Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Can't hurt me, I am aspergers

Last month Kimo went around telling people he didn't like we can no longer go to St. Justin's for senior lunch.  Like our feelings would be hurt and we'd shrivel up and die.

I wonder if that was the intention.

Sophia missed me last month even though I've explained it to her a number of times.  She insists I come as her guest January 4, 2015.  Commanding when she wants to be. 

Walter Jr. was affected but Kimo has done so much to me that I don't care.  Little slights and insults at lunch and the puzzle table.  So petty and bush league compared to my "family" makes me laugh.

Kind of makes me happy. 

Been rereading Standing in the Rainbow, Fannie Flagg.  I know it's physically impossible but with colored plastic lights it could be done.  Hmmm...

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Becker's Aspergers-TEMPLE GRANDIN

Found it on season two, 2000.  I thought it was earlier than that.  Seems like discovering my quirk is normal for aspies, taking the online test, happened a long time ago.  Maybe the time distortion is due to seeing it reappear so many times.

God is patient.  If I don't tune in on the message He keeps replaying it until I put it together.  Like the documentary on PBS on Temple Grandin playing over and over maybe 30 times until I watched it.  Only because there was nothing else to watch that night.

I couldn't remember her name at first.  I knew it started with t and meant palace and her last name was something like Grenville.  So I had to watch it over and over. At first I couldn't believe it.  Then I became fascinated.  How enlightened and loving her mother must have been.  It couldn't have been easy for her.

I'm fascinated with how the brain works.  How when putting together jigsaw puzzles the brain assesses and remembers where pieces go.  SO MUCH OF LIFE IS DONE UNCONSCIOUSLY THROUGH PROGRAMMING.  DRIVING A CAR, BRUSHING TEETH, FINDING A SOLUTION.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014


Life has been going brilliantly this week.

Sunday found 4 dimes, 2 nickels on top of payphone, dime, nickel, 4 cents in parking lot, bot.

Then went St Justin thrift, ring$1, Disney shirt $1.50, lunch Chinese chick salad, rolls.

Been finding lots of recycle.  

Feeling blessed and anxious that it's too good to be true.

Self-sabotage:  so the gods don't punish good fortune. Punish oneself before the gods do it?  Well, that's just wrong.


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Typical Behavior of Humanimals

Humanimals are hierarchal in their behavior like  life in the caves.  There must be a leader and subordinates.  Cooperation is a higher order function.

Kids naturally revert to hierarchal bullying in their undeveloped, underdeveloped stage.  Some individuals never need to evolve (are never forced to) and don't.  Some people have an innate need to improve and self actualize. 

Aspies can't understand that we are all different.  It isn't a concept they can easily rewire into their brains. 

It's taken me 63 years.  I did it!!!

Most humanimals use tricks learned in childhood to manipulate the world around them.  They continue the same behaviors until the tricks don't get them what they want.  Some continue the same old behaviors=insanity.

Anger and Violence are traditional upgrades when the previous behavior doesn't get them what they want.

How to get what you want and need starts from birth.  An infant has to learn how to get food and attention.  Crying, smiling, affection, are all learned to be used.

That's why people like me.  I do no harm.

Humanimals when thwarted strike out in revenge and retaliation, wasting more energy on a losing situation. 

Why wars are never won.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

aspergers nation-Northside library Opening And I am here

The combination of toxins, stressed parents producing higher levels of adrenaline and cortisol, simple population dynamics is increasing the absolute numbers of individuals presenting aspergers symptoms. 

How we mainstream the individuals will determine the success of these United States of Aspergers. 

I find it amusing that the spell check doesn't recognize the word aspergers.  Wonder how long it will take to make aspergers main stream.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

forgetting and remembering

Those two words. 

Forgetting.  To get the future one leaves the past in the past.  For getting leave the past behind.  In the rear view mirror it becomes reversed.  Mirror image.

Remembering.  Reconnecting.  Putting the pieces together, hopefully in a new, better configuration.

Fear is an active component of Aspergers Syndrome.  Anxiety, whatever you call it the emotion feels the same.  I wondered as a child whether other people saw blue the same way I did or did we just agree to call our separate shades blue.  Like colorblind people see shades of gray and have to believe there is differentiation between the shades of gray.

So much of living is based on Faith.

I believe Aspergers feel more acutely like elephants feel emotions clearer, cleaner.  The societal need to respect and acknowledge the balance between emotion and intellect. 

There is no success.  No enjoyment without it. 

Three people this morning were in a rush driving to wherever.  Not enjoying the journey and I used to be one of them.

Today the new me watched a squirrel traversing the building ledge.

Fear and Anxiety can be tamed.  With or without substances.

The fear of Being a new form feels like dying.  I don't have to die to be reborn.  Only my old life.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Another pc of the puzzle-Sunday free senior lunch -St Justin

Sitting not winning, I had a lot of time to meditate. 

The fascination with winning, playing, competing, general jerk-like behavior can be explained by the need to feel adrenaline and stress.

It also explains celebrity.  People not using their brains see winners as different from themselves. 

Only their thinking, their thoughts, makes them different.

They're different through their choices.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Greater Stress-Greater Need for Solutions=Aspergers

The greater the feelings of stress and anxiety caused by physical or emotional threats the greater the need for solutions.  The increase in stress hormones triggers the next generation to be more anxious and aware of searching  for solutions to relieve the stress.

The manner in which cattle have been slaughtered, increasing the stress hormones, the children ingesting higher levels of hormones and physically resulting in obesity and more stress over the unhealthy physiology.

It isn't the fast food that makes us fat.  It's using cheap hormone overloaded beef, chicken whatever.

Aspergers is the result of stress.  Programming a generation to search for stress Reduction.

Monday, June 30, 2014


I've been meditating on whether the number of aspie's has increased or the number of diagnoses has increased.

A hundred years ago a person with aspy symptoms would be locked in the attic or basement and that would be that.

So I believe the number may be the same, the treatment has changed.  People are more stressed and less afraid.  They actually love their children.

More people are experiencing free floating anxiety and tolerate it without looking for someone to blame and punish.

It's reasonable to deduce that in primitive times, in primitive cultures, the more stressed the group the greater the need for new solutions to survival issues.  The greater need for biological adaptation.

Native-American tribes considered some insanity to be from God.  That the individual wasn't just touched in the head, but was touched by God and might lend some new insight to old problems.

Example:  Temple Grandin's redesigning slaughter houses and the population eating healthier beef, less wastage, increased profits.

aside:  reminds me of Alladin's enemy magician's new lamps for old.

Having read Black Elk Speaks, I still don't see the need for the decimation of the American people.  Was it a Jesus sacrifice thing and didn't he say it didn't need redoing...??

So I believe in times of additional stress the increased levels of cortisol and adrenaline effect the fetal development.

I've been in touch with floods of stress hormones and realize stress is normal.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

And so the deTox goes on

I'm slooowly becoming more conscious as I face down my demons.  It's been over a month now on organic and I'm starting to feel more energized/evergized. 

My defeated attitude is slowly changing.  Monday went to get 2 pack deal and they only had one organic so I substituted menthol.  Then I realized I can exchange it later.  So I went back today, Thurs. and they still haven't restocked.  Hmmmm.......

I'm adjusting my life to feel perfect.  Call from county library, no one there.  Life at the Sr. Ctr. is smoothing out nicely.   

Do I want a job at the new Sprouts or Target??  Do I want a job?  I need a direction, a target to shoot for.

I have coupons for Milpitas vitamin world.  I can go and exchange the dress at savers or go next Sunday.   Divine Guidance.

Monday, May 19, 2014


I think aspies feel more directly not having the envy, competition, jealousy gene. 

We want everyone to be happy and content.  Content or content. 

Monday, May 12, 2014

Autists process info consciously

I know I don't take in or process info the same as a non-autist. 

They don't notice things.  Part of my attention deficit being attention overload. 

I notice bugs flying around.  When I drive, I plan my route like a chess move.  Just comes naturally.  I use intuition to read the energy around me. 

I only get in trouble when I'm overly tired or ignore the info.  When I revert to family behavior patterns.  Sometimes from depression. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

TILT----Blogging is my job for now-Sunday AM 5*4*Star Wars Day*May the fourth be with You

AUTISTS  have too much input.  Babies gradually make communication connections chemically and physically and that's why autism engages at a toddler stage.  Biologically the connections are made and the understanding comes later. 

5*4*14-Sunday Morning on channel 5 ran a segment on autism.  The kid on the program shut down for five years watching Disney cartoons, the simplified life lessons that are too confusing in real life.  His parents let him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I experience too much stimuli I shut down.  !!!TILT!!!  Just like autists.  The shut down protects the integrity of the operating system.  An automatic failsafe.  To keep from going crazy.  My parents tortured me.  I'm a miracle.   

Addicts use outside substances to run interference.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I WANT A RAISE.  A HUGE RAISE.  I DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!