HAPPY NEW YEAR

I FEEL NORMAL.  ALL MY LIFE ALL I WANTED WAS NORMALCY. 

THE ABUSE I RECEIVED FROM MY FAMILY WAS POINTEDLY BASED ON MY DIFFERENCES.  I WAS FASTER, SMARTER, BETTER LOOKING THAN MY FAMILY.  I DIDN'T FIT.  THEY DID EVERYTHING TO BEAT ME DOWN. 

I'M STILL HERE. 

I FEEL AT PEACE WITH MY AUTISM SYMPTOMS.  I'M ACCEPTED BY MY PEEPS AT SRS. 

AND IT ONLY TOOK 67 YEARS.  I WONDER IF I'D KNOWN EARLIER IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SOONER.  OR IF IT'S A CHEMICAL PROGRESSION BASED ON MATURITY.

PREY ANXIETY

HAVING THE PREY ANXIETY MAKES ME MORE SENSITIVE TO OTHERS AND MY SURROUNDINGS. I.E. WEATHER, ENVIRONMENT, SMELLS, SOUNDS.

ASPERGERS IS BEING MORE FINELY TUNED TO THE UNIVERSE AND SUBJECT TO MORE DISTRACTIONS.

SO I NEED MORE DOWN TIME AND TO RECHARGE MORE FREQUENTLY.  LIKE MY PHONE AND CHROME.

LOOKING AT CARS, SOME ARE ELECTRIC AND SOME ARE HYBRID.  WHAT DO I WANT?

I'M STILL LEARNING

I WAS SO TRAUMATIZED BY THE FAMILY NOT TO EXPERIENCE FEELINGS, I'M STILL LEARNING HOW TO BEFRIEND MY FEELINGS.

THEY TAUGHT ME TO HONOR THEIR FEELINGS WHILE REJECTING MINE.  I WASN'T ALLOWED TO FEEL.  THEY WERE JEALOUS GODS.  THE THREATS AND PUNISHMENTS WERE EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE.  I'M STILL REMODELING MY GUT LEVEL REACTIONS.

I BELIEVE MY PARENTS BOTH HAD ASPY TENDENCIES WHICH WERE AMPLIFIED IN ME.  THEY HATED ME FOR REFLECTING BACK AT THEM WHAT THEY HATED ABOUT THEMSELVES.  AND SO THEY DIED UNFORTUNATELY, UNCOMFORTABLY.

TOO BAD THEY LIVED IN THE PAST.  THE FUTURE IS SO MUCH BRIGHTER.

MISOGYNY IS BEING CONFRONTED HEAD ON RIGHT NOW.  SO MANY SELF-HATING WOMEN IN THE WORLD.  I WONDER IF FEMALE DISEASES WILL DWINDLE?

m&d

I THINK I HAVE ASPERGERS DUE TO BOTH PARENTS.  BOTH OF THEM WERE A LITTLE WEIRD AND THAT WOULD EXPLAIN MY OFF THE CHARTS SCORE.

COME ON 36/18.

OUTGROWN

I THINK THE BEHAVIORS BECOME MODIFIED WITH PRACTICE.  I'M NO LONGER OBS/COMPULSIVE.  IT FEELS WEIRD.  THAT NERVOUS EDGE IS GONE.  I DON'T WORRY ABOUT PAYING BILLS, WHAT TIME TO AWAKE, WHAT I'M DOING.

WHO AM I?

WHO DO I WANT TO BE?

UGH BAD DOCTOR

I TRIED WATCHING IT.  TOO WEIRD. 

ALZHEIMERS

WHEN LIFE IS TOO PAINFUL AND CAN'T BE REFRAMED OR FORGOTTEN. 

I'VE COME TO THANK MY CRUEL AND USUAL FAMILY FOR MAKING MY CHILDHOOD ROTTEN.  AFTER THEM THE KINDNESS IN LIFE IS SWEET AND UNEXPECTED.  DOUBLY GOOD.

SORRY

LAST SUNDAY WAS ST. J SENIOR LUNCH AND I JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE ENERGY.  I DIDN'T REALIZE THE FIRES WERE BURNING SATURDAY NITE.  I AWOKE COUGHING.

I DO LOVE OBSERVING THE ANTICS OF PEOPLE.  SENIORS ARE CONSISTENTLY GOOFY. 

I'VE BEEN WATCHING BIOLOGICAL ARCHEOLOGY.  GOOD TO NAP TO. 

OUTGROWN@66

I FINALLY HAVE OUTGROWN MY ANXIETY AND I IMAGINE THIS CONDITION IS WHAT "NORMAL" PEOPLE EXPERIENCE.

IT'S LIKE BEING WRAPPED IN COTTON.  THERE IS A SPICINESS MISSING WHICH I THINK IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE TAKE UNNECESSARY RISKS. 

PEOPLE LITERALLY KILL THEMSELVES OUT OF BOREDOM.

MY ASPY SELF

LETTING PEOPLE DIE THE WAY THEY WANT IS HARD TO WATCH.  I CAN EXTRAPOLATE THEIR DEATH BY THE WAY THEY LIVE. 

NOT MY BUSINESS.  MY LIFE IS MY BUSINESS.  I MUST STAY AWAY FROM THE INSANE. 

IGNORANCE IS NOT KNOWING.  STUPIDITY IS REFUSING TO LEARN.  INSANITY IS EXPECTING A DIFFERENT OUTCOME.

FREE WILL.

                                                   EH

HOW DO I BECOME SAFE?

I NEED TO STRENGTHEN MY FAITH AND THEN I'LL FEEL SAFE.  I'VE HAD PHYSICAL PROOF I'LL BE OK AND STILL I DOUBT.

I'M HUMAN.

I DECIDED TO GO INTO CSAA TO ASK ABOUT DISCOUNTS FOR INSURANCE AND I FEEL SO SAD. 

WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? 

I WENT ONLINE TO HOME ADVISOR TO LOOK UP SKYLIGHT REPAIR.  I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.

CAMOFLAGE

THE CONSCIOUS ADULT NEEDS NO WEAPONS;  ALWAYS ARMED WITH ATTENTION AVOIDS TRAPS. 

I AM PREY NO MORE.  I PRAY MORE. 

FAMILIAR ANXIETY

THE OLD FAMILY ANXIETY RE:  DAD'S MISERABLE DEATH. 

ALL AUGUST WAS HELL DUE TO AA IN 1999.  NOW THAT I'M PHYSICALLY ABLE TO PROCESS THE EXPERIENCE I CAN FEEL ALL THE EMOTIONAL BODY ISSUES.  THE SADNESS, DEPRESSION, FEAR, INEVITABILITY.  SLEEPLESSNESS, I'M SLEEPING LIKE A BABY, WAKING EVERY TWO HOURS.  AND FEELING EXHAUSTED.  DAD WAKING ME UP 2-3 AM FOR WEEKS AND STILL HAVING TO GO TO WORK.  TAKING HIM TO EMERGENCY.  MOM HAD ALL DAY TO SLEEP WHEN HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.  AND THE WICKED SISTERS LYING TO HER.  SO THEY COULD DISAPPOINT HER AGAIN.

AND THE FINAL WEEK, HIS BEGGING ME AND MOM TO KILL HIM.  THE CRYING FOR VICODIN.  AND STILL THE UNWILLINGNESS TO HELP US HELP HIM. 

HE DIED AS HE LIVED. 

NAMING

AS OPPOSED TO SHAMING. 

THIS FALL A NEW PROGRAM OF AN AUTISTIC DOCTOR.

HOW MANY WILL BE REVEALED?

unlimited

YESTERDAY STARTED OK.  I WENT AND DID LAUNDRY@SCOTT.  I WAS GOING TO SRS AND THE LEFT FRONT TIRE WAS FLAT.  I KNOW IT WAS PRECIPITATED BY THE ROADWORK AT MONROE(X)KIELY.

I CALLED CSAA AND WAITED OVER AN HOUR.  I DRYED THE CLOTHES.  I EMPTIED THE TRUNK AND GOT EVERYTHING READY.  KEN CHANGED IT, I ASKED HOW LONG I COULD DRIVE ON THE DOUGHNUT AND HE SAID JUST NO FREEWAY.

SO I WAS GOING TO WAIT TO GET NEW TIRES, I NEED TWO ANYWAY, AND THE DOUGHNUT MADE SO MUCH NOISE I CALLED AM. TIRES AND WENT IN.

I WENT HOME 4PM AND ATE DINNER.  THEN I READ AND WATCHED JEO+WHEEL.  I WENT TO THE MLIB 80'S BASH, ATE ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND PIZZA, POTATO CHIPS.  KARAOKE, PICTURES, FUN TOYS.  UNTIL 9:45.

HOME AND BED.

THE CAR IS STILL FULL FROM THE TRUNK JUNK.

WEIRD WEATHER

IT MUST BE THE EFFECTS OF THE ECLIPSE ON 21.  I KEEP STRESSING ABOUT RAIN AND THE LEAKY SKYLIGHT.

IT'S JUST INCREDIBLY HUMID.

LOVELY COOL-TYGJ

TODAY.  I WENT TO BFAST W/TD AT MISSION CITY GRILL.  CRAB, AVOCADO OMELET W/ FRUIT I TRADED FOR HASH BRNS, RYE TOAST.  ALL THE FRUIT I LIKED D DIDN'T AND THE FRUIT SHE LIKED I DIDN'T.  HOW PERFECT IS THAT?  VERY. 

I OFFERED HIM THE K AND HE ACCEPTED.  I CALLED AND LEFT THE #SCOTT. 

I'M STILL PROCESSING STUFF.

I'M FEELING SO TIRED.  WORKING HARD. 

gifts

THE DAY, TAKING MY TIME, RELATIVE HEALTH.

ECLIPSE?22nd

I'M ALL ANXIOUS.  STARTED LAST NIGHT.  I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THE WEATHER, IT'S OVERCAST 30% RAIN.  AND LAST NIGHT I GOT ALL DEPRESSED OVER THE SKYLIGHT LEAKING.  I WAS THINKING OF PAYING T $1K TO HANDLE IT FOR ME.

I'M FEELING ALL INCAPABLE, INCOMPETENT JUST LIKE CHILDHOOD. 

THEY TORTURED ME INTO GIVING UP MY CHILDHOOD.  THEY CAUSED MY DISCONNECTING FROM MYSELF TO SURVIVE. 

ALL I DID WAS DISPLAY TYPICAL ASPERGERS BEHAVIORS.

THEY COULDN'T LET ME BE MY WEIRD, MAGICAL SELF.  THEY CALLED IT LUCK AND TORTURED ME FOR IT.

BLINDNESS

IS SELECTIVE AND LEARNED. 

WE'RE TRAINED TO FIT INTO OUR FAMILIES.  WE LEARN TO ADAPT AND ADJUST JUST TO STAY ALIVE.  EVERY CHILD WANTS; NEEDS LOVE TO DEVELOP.  AND WE LEARN TO MANIPULATE OURSELVES.  PUSHING OUR OWN BUTTONS.  TRYING TO FIT INTO THE FAMILIES WE'RE GIVEN. 

feeling anxious-MONDAY MONDAY

I THINK I'M PROBABLY OVER TIRED AND COMING DOWN FROM WEEKEND. 

I'M NOT USED TO DOING SO MUCH AND NOT FALLING INTO PUNISHMENT PATTERN. 

RETRAINING THE BRAIN IS SCARY. 

I'M NOT QUITE READY YET TO DEAL WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS.

SATURDAY SALEING

I WENT AND FILLED THE CAR AT COSTCO 7:30. 

MY FAVORITE THING TO DO IS LOOKING AT A VARIETY OF STUFF.  I GOT MY FILL AT THE GARAGE, RUMMAGE, ESTATE SALE.

  PS. I CALLED THE ESTATE SUNDAY, THEY WERE DONE.  I LOVED THESE WEIRD CANDLE WAX CATCHERS IN GLASS WITH CHANDELIER HANGINGS.  THEY WERE ASKING $200 FOR THE CANDLE STICKS.  I SHOULD HAVE COUNTERED BUT I WAS IN SHOCK.  NEXT TIME.

TWEEKING

I'M MAKING SMALL ADJUSTMENTS TO MY LIFE.

I JUST REALIZED I CAN USE MY OLD NYLON B-SUIT WITH BRA SEPARATE.  I DON'T HAVE TO SEW IT IN. 

I LOVE FREE THINKING. 

LOVIN' IT

IT ONLY TOOK SINCE AUG 31, 2012.  I'VE LEARNED TO LOVE MY LIFE. 

I LOVED LIFE IN GENERAL.  THE ANIMALS, PLANTS, PEOPLE.  BUT MY LIFE IS IMPROVING.  BECAUSE WE'RE HUMAN THE STAKES ALWAYS INCREASE AND THAT WHICH MAKES ONE HAPPY TODAY WILL NOT SUFFICE FOREVER.  THE HUMAN CONDITION.  THE REASON WE NO LONGER RESIDE IN CAVES OR TREES.

I'VE COME TO TERMS WITH SOUNDS, SMELLS, LIGHTS SOMETIMES STARTLING ME.

MY OBSESSIVE/COMPULSIVE IS BETTER.  GOD IS GENTLY RE-TRAINING ME.

WHEW!!

I ALMOST BLEW IT.  I SWEPT PEA SEEDS IN DRIVEWAY LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING AND ALMOST WENT TO SAVERS WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO MUCH.

I CAN GO ST J TOMORROW.  I HAVE A BAG OF KIDS CLOTHES FROM THE MLIB.  SOMEONE DUMPED THEM INSTEAD OF TAKING THEM TO ST J.  AND I CAN GET MY SHOP ON. 

I'M MEETING MYSELF MORE

MISSION LIBRARY:  I WANTED TO CHECK ON THE REMODEL.  NOT STARTING UNTIL SEPTEMBER. 


SOCIETY IS BECOMING MORE ACCEPTING OF QUIRKY PEOPLE.  THE CLERK AT STAPLES IS DEFINITELY DIFFERENT.  SHE DIDN'T PUSH ME TO SIGN UP FOR REWARDS AND WHEN I DID WAS OBVIOUSLY THRILLED.  BROWNIE POINTS.


SITTING IN THE COOL (88o OUTSIDE)   I'M GETTING HUNGRY.  MAYBE I'LL GO BACK TO SRS TO EAT SALAD.  IT'S SO HURRICANE WINDY TODAY.  IF I LIVED CLOSER TO THE COAST I WOULDN'T BE SO ALLERGIC.  SO MUCH STUFF IN THE AIR. 


MY ALLERGIES AND AWKWARDNESS IS PROBABLY DUE TO AUTISM.  GENETIC PREDISPOSITION.


MY TUMMY IS UPSET FROM ALLERGIES.  TOO MUCH MUCUS.  SNEEZING IS FUN THOUGH. 

HAPPINESS

WHAT THE WORLD CONSIDERS MENTAL IMPAIRMENTS ARE NECESSARY FOR THE GENERAL TENOR OF THE PLANET.  THE BALANCE BETWEEN POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE ENERGY. 

I THINK THE PLANET REQUIRES THE BALANCE AND GENERATES WHAT IT NEEDS. 

ASPIES ARE POTENTIAL HAPPINESS.  I ENCOUNTERED AN ASPY AT $ANTA WHO WAS HAPPY TO BE. 

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE?

MORE AND MORE

I RAN INTO ANOTHER ASPY THIS AM AT THE TUB.  FULLY CLOTHED SHE CROUCHED BY THE EDGE WAITING FOR HER CAREGIVER. 

I THINK THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN A LOT OF US BUT NOT IN PUBLIC.  I LOOKED AT AUTISM MAGAZINE HERE AT LIBRARY STILL UNSATISFACTORY. 

I'VE LEARNED TO MAKE SPACE

I DON'T HAVE TO BLOG AS LONG AS I CREATE A CLEAR POST.  A GHOST POST.  A SPACE SAVER. 

I'M BECOMING CLEARER AND SO IS MY LIFE.

USING MY POWER FOR GOOD

TODAY I MET A YOUNG MAN AT SPROUTS WHO TALKED ME INTO MERC/NEWS BY CALLING IT FREE COUPONS.  EH.  I THINK HE'S AUTISTIC/VERBAL.  HE HAS THAT VIBE.  A MUSICIAN WHO DOESN'T PLAY OR SING.  I SUGGESTED MUSIC MANAGEMENT OR PRODUCTION.  HE SAID HIS MOM INSISTS HE'S A MUSICIAN ALTHO HE DOESN'T PLAY.

I DECIDED I WANT TO LAUGH FOR A LIVING. 

I JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT THE DETAILS.

 

FEWER SYMPTOMS

I MAY BE OUTGROWING IT A LITTLE.  I AM LESS ANXIOUS.  STILL DEPRESSED AND SAD. 

I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT.  I'M GLAD I CAN FEEL CONSCIOUSLY.  MOST PEOPLE FEEL LIKE ANIMALS.  THEY'RE LIKE PIGS OR DOGS OR PIG/DOGS.  NO INTELLIGENCE TO IT.

THIS IS AFTER ERIC'S MEMORIAL SERVICE SAT-15.  PEOPLE PARADING AND POSTURING.  I DON'T KNOW.  I'M FEELING DEPRESSED.  I DID ABOVE AND BEYOND.  THEY ALL HAD THE CHANCE TO BE BETTER.  IF THEY DID ALL THEY COULD THEY'RE VERY SAD. 

GETTING CARRIED AWAY

WOW!  I JUST DISCOVERED IF I PUT THE CURSOR OVER THE BOTTOM TAB PICTURES OF ALL TABS SHOW UP.

I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT GOING TO CU TODAY AS PART OF MY  NOT OBSESSING  OVER EVERYTHING.  AND I STILL CAN.  I CAN LEAVE MY BAGS IN THE LOCKER.  AND  BE BACK IN TIME TO SOAK. 

HURRAY!!!!

SYMPTOMS...

DON'T MATTER IN A PERFECTLY IMPERFECT WORLD. 

I DIDN'T FREAK NOT BANKING SAT 7-1.  I'M LESS COMPULSIVE.  MAYBE I'M FINALLY OUTGROWING ASPERGERS. 

I CAN CALMLY BANK TODAY. 

PSYCHIC NRG

ASPIES ARE MORE SENSITIVE TO ALL ENERGIES.

UNCLE SHOULDERS

YESTERDAY AND TODAY DIMES.  LUCKY'S AND MLIB RESPECTIVELY.  I'VE BEEN FINDING PENNIES STEADILY. 

MY BACK AND SHOULDERS (SHOULDERS).  I GET IT NOW WRITING IT.  YOU SHOULD DO THIS AND THAT AND SHOULDERS CARRY THE WEIGHT. 

NO WONDER MY SHOULDERS AND BACK ACHE FROM CARRYING THE FAMILY.

I SHOULDN'T.

BEYOND ASPERGERS

I'M REMEMBERING TO DO BUSINESS IN A TIMELY MANNER.  I'M PAYING BILLS.  LOOKING UP NEW TERMINOLOGY AND UPDATING MY INFORMATION BASE.

AND YESTERDAY AT LUNCH I WAS LOOKING FOR ERIC'S OBIT AND MENTIONED WE SHOULD WRITE OUR OWN OBITS TO SAVE ANYONE ELSE HAVING TO DO IT AND LAST NITE THE DVD I BORROWED FROM CAMBELIB LAST WORD, SHIRLEY MCCLAINE, WAS ABOUT JUST THAT.  BEST THING SHE'S BEEN IN MAYBE EVER.

FOUND IT

AFTER ALL THIS TIME I GOOGLED IT AND IT APPEARED. 

I HAVE TO CHECK IT OUT.  VOLUNTEER OR JUB.  HMMM.....

PACIFICAUTISM.ORG

I SAW THEIR VAN HERE@SRS.  IN THE PKING LOT.  I DON'T KNOW WHY THE PROGRAM HIGHLIGHTED AND UNDERLINED.  I KNOW I DIDN'T DO IT. 

TIME TO RESEARCH.  

MOECULES IN MOTION

SOUNDS LIKE A SONG TITLE. 

CAROL KULTANSKY WAS INTO PSYCHIC RESEARCH.  PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING OUTSIDE FOR ANSWERS.  USUALLY TRYING TO MANIPULATE THE OUTCOME. 

SOUTHERN CROSS HELD CLASSES AND DEMOS.  WE GOT THERE EARLY AND VOLUNTEERED FOR A BIO TEST.  GOOD/BAD VIBES.  SHE STOOD AT FRONT OF AUDIENCE AND I PROJECTED FROM BACK WHILE INSTRUCTOR TESTED ARM STRENGTH.  IT WORKED. 

PROTECTION WORKS. 

I'M FEELING ANXIOUS OVER FREE MONOPOLY TICKETS.  I EARNED THEM.  I CAN THROW THEM AWAY.  BLESSING THEM TO RETURN 10 FOLD.  WHATEVER I GIVE ENERGY TO INCREASES.  WE'RE ONLY ENERGY. 

I JUST UNDERSTOOD MY NITEMARES AND ANXIETY LAST NIGHT. 

CAERPHILLY-CAREFULLY

POPPED INTO MY HEAD FULL BLOWN.  I THINK THE WEATHER AND AMBIENCE FROM FOREVER GREEN CONTRIBUTED.  I DO LOVE THE PROGRAM.

SEEMINGLY CONSCIOUS, SELF ACTUALIZED PEOPLE. 

EVOLUTION/REINCARNATION

IF ONE LOOKS AT ALL DEVELOPING EMBRYO THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE FOR MONTHS AND THEN DIFFERENTIATE. 

I THINK SOME PEOPLE GET STUCK IN THE EVOLUTIONARY PHASE OF A WOLF, OR A SNAKE, OR A CHICKEN. 

THIS LIFE GIVES US THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPEED UP EVOLUTION BY CHOOSING TO CONSCIOUSLY STRETCH OUR SPIRITS.  AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE THAT'S ALL WE ARE:  SPIRIT=ENERGY. 

I NEVER USED TO BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION.  I THOUGHT IT WAS AN INEFFIECIENT USE OF THE UNIVERSE AND THAT IF THERE WAS OR WASN'T A CREATOR REINCARNATION WAS RIDICULOUS.  LIKE REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT.  GROUNDHOG DAY.  A JOKE.  A COMEDY.  VERY FUNNY.

UNTIL (INSERT DRAMATIC MUSIC HERE) I HAD A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE THAT OPENED THE DOOR TO THE POSSIBILITY OR I WAS JUST *** NUTS.

REINCARNATION IS JUST A FORM OF EVOLUTION. 

AND MORE WILL BE REVEALED.  THIS IS ALL I CAN TAKE.  I STILL HAVE RESISTANCE TO IT.

ASPY SIGHTINGS

I SAW TWO MALE ASPYS LAST WEEK.  SFWY AND WLGRNS.  THEY WERE WITH THEIR DADS.  AND THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE THE 24HR TUB KID WITH HIS MALE HANDLER.


I'M GLAD THEY ARE NO LONGER LOCKED AWAY IN HOMES OR ATTICS OR BASEMENTS.


THEIR CARETAKERS ARE MALES.


BECAUSE .....?

RAT BRAIN RACE

LILY TOMLIN OBSERVED THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH WINNING THE RAT RACE IS YOU'RE STILL A RAT.


PSYCHOLOGY TODAY RAN A STORY ON AN EXPERIMENT WHERE THEY HOOKED A RAT TO ELECTRODES AND GAVE IT A CHOICE WITH BUTTONS FOR FOOD OR SEX.  THE RAT DIED OF STARVATION.  IT PLEASURED ITSELF TO DEATH. 


THE OBSESSION WITH SEX IS THE RAT BRAIN.

THE ODD WAY HOME-DVD

WHAT A SURPRISE!!


I PICKED UP THE DVD BECAUSE IT STARS RUMER WILLIS, THE DAUGHTER OF DEMI MOORE AND BRUCE WILLIS. 


IT'S ABOUT AN ASPY MAN AND THE TROUBLED, ABUSED YOUNG WOMAN WHO FINDS HIM WITH HIS 82 YR OLD DEAD GRANDMA. 


WHEW!!


HEAVY FOR FIRST THING IN THE AM.  4:30 AM.


I CAN RELATE.  MOM SAID I HAD NO FEELINGS.  I'VE ALWAYS HAD FEELINGS AND SHOWED THEM IN A DIFFERENT WAY.  SHE'S A GITCH.  A GIANT BITCH. 


I'M GLAD THERE ARE MORE MOVIES DEPICTING ASPY'S WITH RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING. 

WHAT TO DO

I THOUGHT OF WORKING WITH ASPY'S BUT I THINK I COULD DO MORE WITH HELPING RETRAIN MUSCLES LIKE I'M DOING WITH MINE.


I WEEDED 2 1/2 HRS THURSDAY AND I'M DOING ALRIGHT TODAY.  I'VE BEEN BABYING MY BACK.  WELL, MY ENTIRE BODY AND MIND.  A WAIT AND SEE ATTITUDE.  A TAKE IT SLOWLY AND THINK THINGS THROUGH. 


SO FAR, SO GOOD.  A LITTLE DISCOMFORT NOW.  BUT WAY BETTER THAN LAST NIGHT.  I TOOK ONE WHITE WILLOW AT 11PM AND ANOTHER AT 4AM AND MANAGED TO GO BACK TO SLEEP UNTIL 5:55.  I WAS HUNGRY SO I MADE MY OATMEAL AND RESTED.  LOTS OF REST TO BALANCE THROWING OUT MY BACK. 


I FOUND A VMAIL FROM T AND HE SOUNDED DRUNK.  OH, WELL.  CALLED HIM AND HE'S PLAYING IN SF TONITE, I DON'T THINK HE'S HAPPY.


HE PLANTED ONE RED LILAC TREE FOR ME.  KIND OF AN OXYMORON.  A RED LILAC. 

TOO RELAXED

I WALKED AWAY FROM MY PURSE HANGING ON A CHAIR.  I WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND REMEMBERED. 


WHEW!!  IT WAS STILL THERE.  GOING UNCONSCIOUS.  THAT'S WHEN I MISPLACE
THINGS. 


I USED TO WONDER IF IT WAS SELF-SABOTAGE.  NOW I KNOW I'M NOT USED TO FUNCTIONING RELAXED OR HAPPY.  I DROP MY DEFENSES.  UNTIL THE WORLD CATCHES UP I NEED THOSE DEFENSES.


I RESENT HAVING TO LOCK ANYTHING UP SO I MISPLACE OR LOSE MY KEYS. 

GOLDEN RULE

THE NATURAL ENERGY LINK AUTISM PROVIDES CREATES INNATE COMPASSION.  WHAT I DO TO OTHERS COMES BACK TO ME. 


THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT EVOLUTIONARY.


A NATURAL QUALITY.  EVERYONE HAS IT.  OR DO THEY?


THROWBACKS WOULDN'T.


 I GAVE AUDRIEANN THE WOOLY HAT AND GLOVES YESTERDAY.  SHE'S BEEN GONE FOR A MONTH.  SHE STAYED WITH HER MOM FOR HER BIRTHDAY.  SHE WAS DELIGHTED.

ASPERGERS=PTSD

BECAUSE OF THE PECULIAR BRAIN FUNCTIONING EVERYTHING IS AN ASSAULT ON THE SENSES.  PERPETUAL  CHAOS.  THE TEEN BRAIN IS DEVELOPED ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE AND SPECIFICALLY FILTER OUT WHAT'S IMPORTANT.

I'M HYPERSENSITIVE TO CONNECTING WITH OTHERS.  IT'S PAIN FILLED.

I BELIEVE BECAUSE THE ENERGY CONNECTION IS USUALLY DISCORDANT.  TWO DIFFERENT WAVE PATTERNS.

MATCHING UP TWO ENERGY SOURCES, TRYING TO SYNCHRONIZE THEM TO FORM A VALID, COMFORTABLE CHANNEL.

WHEN CHRIST SAID TWO OR MORE.

PUBLIC SPEAKING, PERFORMANCES ARE A WAVE OF ENERGY THAT CANCEL OUT SPECIFIC FREQUENCIES LIKE WHITE NOISE OR SUNLIGHT.  

HAPPY VALENTINES TO ME

64 PAGEVIEWS

TILT=ASPERGERS ANXIETY-NO FILTERS

trying to describe my experience to little girls from scu.

I THINK KIDS SHUT DOWN DUE TO LACK OF FILTERS.

IT EXPLAINS THE AGE LAG.  WHEN KIDS ARE STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THE WORLD MORE AT2-3-4 YEARS, IT IS JUST TOO MUCH INPUT.  TILT

MY RETICENCE IN INTERACTING WITH THE WORLD WAS BEAT OUT OF ME.  I WAS FORCED TO TALK OR I'D STARVE.  MOM REFUSED TO PUT UP WITH MY "NONSENSE".  I WONDER IF THAT'S WHY AUNTY KATCHAN WANTED TO ADOPT ME.  TO SAVE ME.

AND I THINK I HAD ENOUGH LOVING PEOPLE UNTIL AGE FOUR TO BALANCE THE TERROR.

I'M REALIZING MORE, HOW MUCH I TUNE INTO THAT OTHER PEOPLE MISS.

THOSE FILTERS CAN KEEP OUT THE GOOD TOO.

IN ORDER TO FIND MY PLACE AND PURPOSE I MUST READJUST AND ADAPT THE FILTERS I HAVE.

BEAR KAUFFMAN-SONRISE-RAUN

this came back to me while talking with the little girls from scu.


PHIL AND CLYDE-SCORPIO TWINS.  CLYDE WAS THE STAGE MANAGER AT FLINT CENTER.

CLYDE BURTON DISCOVERED BARRY KAUFFMAN ANDTHE OPTION INSTITUTE IN MAINE(?) AND WANTED TO GO SO I GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO MAX OUT HIS CREDIT CARDS AND GO TO A RETREAT.

I INVESTIGATED BEAR AND READ ALL THE BOOKS HE'D WRITTEN AND MOVIES HE MADE BEFORE OK'ING THE ADVENTURE.

HIS AUTISTIC SON, RAUN I READ ABOUT IN 1985?

WHO KNEW THEN I WAS AUTISTIC?  NOT ME!!

 MOM ALWAYS INSISTED I WAS RETARDED OR INSANE.  WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU ABOUT HER.  PROJECTIONS.

BEHAVE-BE-HAVE

OUR LIVES ARE A SERIES OF BEHAVIORS.  IN ORDER TO HAVE, BE.  BE THE BEST AND HAVE THE BEST. 

ALL DETERMINED BY WHAT YOUR HEART WANTS.  EMOTIONS ARE ENERGY IN MOTION.

THOUGHT ENERGY IS TRANSCENDENT AS IS MAGNETISM.  THE EARTH HAS MASS BECAUSE OF TINY ELECTRONS CIRCLING NEUTRONS... WHICH LEAKS AN INFINITESIMAL FRACTION OF ENERGY CREATING MAGNETISM/GRAVITY. 

WHICH IS WHY PSYCHO-CRAZY LIARS CAN HAVE RICHES.

ENERGY MAKES NO DISTINCTIONS.  IT'S NEUTRAL.  THE ELECTRONS THAT LIGHT THE LAMP ARE THE SAME AS GAS IN A CAR OR  FUEL IN THE BODY.

WHICH IS WHY UNPLEASANT PEOPLE DO ALRIGHT.  GOD/ENERGY DOESN'T JUDGE OR DIFFERENTIATE.  IT JUST CREATES.

I LOOKED ONLINE FOR COMPASS SERVICES

WANTING TO WORK WITH ASPIES I NEED TO FIND THEM.

IS 'ASPY' CHEMICAL OR STRUCTURAL?

I TOOK COLD MED LAST NITE AND MY SHOULDER BLADES WERE SO TWITCHY I HAD TO TAKE KAVA THIS A M.  MUST INCLUDE IBUPROFEN.

I FELT SO SAD AND DEPRESSED.  DAD, THE TANAKA'S MAY BE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED.  I BELIEVE MOM THOUGHT SECURITY. 

I DECIDED TO SOLDIER ON.  JUST THE WORDS THAT OCCURED.

I COOKED PRE-SOAKED S-CUT OATS.  I ADDED CHORIZO SPAM.  YUM.

I WATCHED 9:30 CLASS STRETCH.  I WENT TO SV24G-2 AND HAD GOOD STRETCH AND SOAK.  I BOUGHT PAPER FROM SFWY BECUZ IT WAS POURING BUCKETS AND I WAS SOAKED.  I DECIDED I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER STOP.  GETTING IN AND OUT OF CAR IN THE POURING RAIN TAKES TOO LONG AND I WAS ALREADY SOAKED.  IT TOOK THE AC IN THE CAR ALL THE WAY TO ST. J TO DRY OUT THE INTERIOR OF THE CAR.  I SAT AND READ THE PAPER UNTIL 1.  I DIDN'T EVEN SHOP, IT WAS LESS RAIN IN SC BUT STILL TOO WET. 

I HAD A LOVELY LUNCH AND DROVE AROUND AND AROUND TRYING TO FIND LIBRARY PARKING.  I WASN'T ABOUT TO WALK FROM ST J IN THIS WEATHER.  I FINALLY FOUND PARKING ALONG THE SIDE.

MAYBE ASPERGERS IS BOTH.