BACK AT THE CLUB-ONLINE

ANOTHER DAY AT THE CLUB.

I'M STILL TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO TODAY.

T CALLED YESTERDAY TO ASK HOW I LIKED THE XMAS COOKIES.

FROM GERMANY SO MAYBE RE GIFTED.

DELICIOUS, BUT I ATE THEM TOO LATE AND COULDN'T SLEEP TIL 12.
I HAVE DVDS TO RETURN TO CAMPBELL AND CITY.

SAVERS SR DAY.

NORTHSIDE, RED ROBIN, NLIB, CHICKFILA.  OH, SAVERS IN MILPITAS TOO.

HMMMM.....

I DIDN'T DO ANY.  I WAITED TIL CAMPLIB HAD MY REQUESTS.

WHU NU? I-pad

I'm back from the gym.  I've never had so free a time in my life before.

And I'm finally starting to enjoy my time.  It's not so scary.  Doing what I want when I want.

I can't help finding it amusing that people would drive around and around to find a closer parking space when going to the gym.

Just like next door taking eight places.  They must be selling drugs or cars or something.

The cars and trucks,lots of trucks, are always different and old.  And the father-owner of the house is never around when like today they have eight cars and trucks clustered around the house.  Like to make a quick getaway.

I'm striving to be someone I have no template for.

Today's DailyWord is FAITH.

SCHADENFREUDE

NOW I UNDERSTAND THE DELIGHT PSYCHOS HAVE WITH UPSETTING OTHERS.  THEY ARE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE AND HAVE LEARNED  TO CONVERT NEGATIVE ENERGY FOR SUSTENANCE.  THE ONLY PROBLEM IS WITH BLOWBACK.  IF THE INTENTION IS NEGATIVE THEY POISON THEMSELVES AND DOOM THEMSELVES TO A NEGATIVE END. 


IF ONE ACTS AND UNINTENTIONALLY UPSETS OTHERS THERE IS NO CONNECTION TO THE NEGATIVE REACTION THERE IS NO BLOWBACK. 

CRAZY OLD LADY

I NO LONGER MUST CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME. 

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY SOME GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO PISS PEOPLE OFF.

THEY CONVERT THE ENERGY.  THEY HAVE LEARNED TO ABSORB AND CONVERT NEGATIVE ENERGY. 

COMICS DOING STAND-UP DO THE SAME. 

I'M LEARNING AND PRACTICING.  I GOT CUT OFF BY THING IN WHITE SUV SO I SEALED HER ENERGY AND SAW HER ARGUING WITH HER PASSENGER. 

THEN LAST NIGHT THE NEIGHBORS CALLING ME A F-ING B-TCH BECAUSE I PARKED UNDER MY TREE IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE.  LIKE HOW DARE I.  AND I DIDN'T CARE.

I SEALED THEM TOGETHER IN THE PLOT WITH THEIR 5 ROOMMATES.

I'M AN ENERGY WORKER.  I WONDER IF THAT'S WHERE ERIC'S CANCER COMES FROM. 

T SENT ME A GUILTY E-MAIL THANKYOU.  DID HE READ MY POST.?

A HIGHLY DEVELOPED SENSE OF HUMOR

I CAN MAKE MYSELF LAUGH SO WELL, SO EASILY.

READING ADULT IN SERIES I'M HI-LARIOUS.

OR MAYBE I'M JUST FEELING HIGH.

GENIUS 2016

THE DVD STARTS WITH THOMAS  AND I CAME TO REALIZE IT WAS ABOUT MAXWELL AND HIS GENIUS FOR BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN FITZGERALD, HEMINGWAY, ETC.

A GENIUS FOR FRIENDSHIP.


THAT'S WHAT I AM, A FRIEND TO THE WORLD. 


HOW DO I GET PAID FOR IT?  I NEED MONEY TO PAY MY BILLS.

I DON'T KNOW SHAME

I THOUGHT I WAS POSTING TO ADULT AND HERE I AM.

I HAVE FOUND THAT SHAME IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE TOOL.  THERE IS NO COMPLEMENTARY EMOTION.

ANGER GENERATES ANGER.  LOVE/LOVE.  THERE IS NO OPPOSITE TO SHAME.

I WAS SHAMED SO MUCH BY THE FAM I NO LONGER CARE.  I'M IMMUNE.  YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE IMMUNE?  YOU MAKE I U NEW.

IRRITATING IRAN WOMAN STARTED PUZZLING AND I LAUGHED HER AWAY.  HURRAY!!

T CALLED YESTERDAY WITH DOGSITTING PROPOSAL FOR NEXT DOOR. FIFTY $ A DAY.  MARIAN CALLED AND I FOUND OUT 6, COUNT EM 6 DOGS.  SUPPOSEDLY SMALL.  I'LL CHECK IT OUT TOMORROW AT 3.  DEC 24-31.  FEEDING AND POOP PATROL.  A LOT OF POOP.  SR CTR WILL HAVE POOL CLOSED 19-30.  MAYBE THEY HAVE A HOT TUB.  COULD BE A LOT OF DRIVING OTHERWISE. 

TODAY I FORGOT THE BFG DVD AT HOME DUE YESTERDAY.  AFTER LUNCH I WENT HOME FINISHED WATCHING IT AND DROVE TO CHASE, ST J FABULOUS PEARL GOLD RING $3 HAPPY B-DAY TO ME, M-LIBRARY DROP OFF DVD, BECAME INSPIRED.  I DROVE TO UNION BANK AND CLOSED THE SAVINGS AND CHECKING.  CASHIER'S CHECK AND $84.  I DROVE TO STAR ONE AND DEPOSITED. 

AND I'M BACK AT M-LIB. 

4:40 PM.  TIME TO GO HOME.  I CROCKED THE BEEF BOURGINION AND YESTERDAY I COOKED THE STUFFED CHICKEN/CHEESE/ASPARAGUS.  I USED THE PAN DRIPPINGS TO COOK RICE.

NEW FORMAT FOR NEW ME

THEY ARE ALWAYS CHANGING THE FORMAT ON BLOGGER.


TIME WILL TELL.


I'M TAKING THE PATH LESS TRAVELLED, LEAST RESISTANCE. 


MOST PEOPLE TAKE THE TROUBLE ROAD TO HAVE A TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. AIN'T IT AWFULLING.


I WANT A FULFILLING HAPPY HEALTHY WEALTHY LIFE.\


I DESERVE A FULFILLING, HAPPY, HEALTHY, WEALTHY LIFE.


\

I MAY NOT BE AUTISTIC-NOT

THE EXTREME PROGRAMMING OF MY CHILDHOOD, THE VIOLENCE, INSANITY, ISOLATION, MAY HAVE COMBINED TO INSTILL THE BEHAVIORS I EXHIBIT.  THE THREAT OF DEATH FORCED ME TO ADAPT AND ADOPT COPING BEHAVIORS.


INHIBIT, EXHIBIT.



I DON'T KNOW AND DOES IT MATTER? 


OF COURSE IT DOES.  IF PEOPLE TREAT ME BADLY BECAUSE I PRESENT DIFFERENTLY, IT MATTERS.  THEY'RE LIZARD BRAINS.


I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOUNG MEN GO ON SHOOTING SPREES.  TO RID THE WORLD OF THE LIZARD BRAINS.  WHY DO THEY CALL THEM SPREES?


AS I GO ON I FIND MORE AND MORE EVIDENCE I AM ASPERGERS. 

T'S SON

FRIDAY HE ACTED LIKE HE HAD A BIG SECRET.  ONLY HE TOLD ME 30 YRS AGO. 

HIS SON CONTACTED HIM FROM ALASKA.  HE WAS ADOPTED AND TOLD WHEN HE WAS 12.  ROBERT IS NOW 51.

T SAYS WHEN HE TOLD ME BEFORE HE WAS JOKING.  YEAH, RIGHT.   NOT A JOKE.

SO I'M AT THE LIBRARY AFTER ST J LUNCH.  ON 5 HRS SLEEP.  AND I'M GOOD. 

I THINK I'M HAPPY.

THE PRICE OF GENIUS-THE MAN WHO KNEW INFINITY

SRINIVASA RAMANUJAN DIED AT 32.  AND YET THEY MADE A MOVIE AND HIS CONTRIBUTIONS TO MATHEMATICS WILL LIVE FOREVER.

AS WILL MY GOOD VIBES AND I ACCEPT MY BAD VIBES TOO.

WHATCHA CALL IT

YESTERDAY I WAS TO GET MY TEETH CLEANED.  FRIDAY THEY TEXTED ME SO I WENT IN TO BUY TOOTH GEL$17.  CONFIRMED MY APPT AND SAID NO MORE TEXTS.  THEN THEY CALLED ME.  I TOLD HER I'D CONFIRMED IN OFFICE.

SO THEY TOOK MORE X-RAYS AND I SAT FOR 35 OUT OF 45 MINUTES IN THE CHAIR WAITING FOR THE DENTIST WITH A BIB ON.  I DON'T KNOW IF THEY FORGOT OR WHAT.  I SUGGESTED RESCHEDULING AND DR SAYS "OH, YOU HAVE SOME IMPORTANT APPT?"  I JUST LOOKED AT HIM AND HE RUSHED OFF TO RESCHEDULE FOR FRI 2 PM.

TODAY I WENT TO SPTS FOR TART CHERRIES, PAID PGE AND AT THE LIBRARY I WALKED OVER TO ST JUST AND EVERYTHING WAS HALF OFF.  COMPLETE COPY OF BLUE HARVEST DVD, T-SHIRT, BOOKLET, COLLECTOR CARDS@$4, NECKLACE @$2, TRASH CAN WITH LID@ $2.5, 2 DVDS @$1.

TYGJ

FEELING SAD AND LONELY

I WENT TO GET MY BOOTS OUT OF THE CLOSET AND FLASHED BACK TO BEING A TODDLER LOCKED IN THE CLOSET BY A. 

THE SENSE OF PEACE AND SAFETY FROM BEING IN THE COOL DARK CLOSET. 

THEN I FELT SAD THAT SO MUCH OF MY LIFE IS ANXIETY FROM MY PAST. 

I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MESS AND DEPRESSION.  I'M DEPRESSED STILL BECAUSE I'M STILL REHABBING MY BACK. 

WHAT IF MY BACK NEVER GETS ANY BETTER???

DO I CHOOSE TO STAY DEPRESSED???

I HAVE A CHOICE.

"JANE WANTS A BOYFRIEND"

HERE I SIT AND WATCH A GOOD MOVIE ABOUT ASPERGERS AND THAT EVERYBODY DESERVES LOVE. 

I  THINK ASPERGERS HAS A BUILT IN CUTE FACTOR TO PREVENT DESTRUCTION OR CULLING.

THE UPS AND DOWNS OF ASPERGERS

WHEN I'M UP I'M TOO BUSY TO BLOG.  TOO BUSY TO BLOG HAS SUCH A NICE SOUND.

YESTERDAY I WENT TO SAVERS AND SET A NEW RECORD.

AND THEN I WENT TO LAUNDER IT AT KIELY IN THE BIGGEST MACHINE.  DRIED IT AND WENT TO $ANTA TO LOOK FOR LIGHTERS AND CHEWABLE C'S.  0.

HOME FOR MICRO-PIZZA AND SALAD.  FINISHED THE RAMEN NOODLES.  THE FLAVOR PACKET WAS TERRIBLE SO I USED CHICK BOULLION.  YUM.

I'M MISSING SO MANY TANK TOPS; THE PASTEL, PINK RUFFLE, BLACK RUFFLE, PALE GRAY AND WHO KNOWS.

BOUGHT A EDDIE BAUER MINI BAG I HAVE TO TAKE BACK.  THE ZIPPERS DON'T WORK.  SO TODAY I GO CAMPBELL LIB AND BACK TO SAVERS.

THEN I RUN AROUND BECOME EXHAUSTED AND I'M DOWN.

LONG-SHORT TERM MEMORY

THE EVOLUTIONARY REQUIREMENT OF SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS TO ALLEVIATE OR OBVIATE TRAUMA.

IN A MORE VIOLENT, VOLATILE ENVIRONMENT IT IS NECESSARY TO FORGET THE IMMEDIATE PAST TO ALLOW THE INDIVIDUAL TO GO FORWARD WITHOUT THE TRAUMA IMPEDING ACTION.

I.E. WHEN ATTACKED OR IN BATTLE THE FOCUS MUST BE ON SURVIVAL NOT THE ACTIONS.  ERGO, POST TRAUMATIC STRESS.

LONG TERM MEMORY IS FOR LEARNING, SHORT TERM FOR ACTING.

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS IS NOT A SYNDROME NEW TO THE WORLD.   IT'S A PRODUCT OF OUR EVOLUTION.

THERE MAY BE NO DEMENTIA BUT THE NATURAL COURSE OF MATURATION.  MEMORIES, WHAT THEY ARE.

SO MANY SYMPTOMS, SO LITTLE TIME

I'M NOTICING MY DISTRACTABILITY, FUNCTIONING UNCONSCIOUSLY,AND CATCHING MYSELF MORE.

HOT TUB THERAPY IS GREAT. I NEVER NOTICED HOW TENSE I'VE BEEN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

OH, YES THE ANXIETY IS BETTER.  I'M HAPPIER.  I DON'T KNOW IF I'M FUNCTIONING BETTER, BUT I DON'T CARE.

I'M READING MORE.  CITY HAS MORE WODEHOUSE. 

MOM MUST HAVE THOUGHT I WAS CHALLENGING HER ON PURPOSE WHEN IN FACT THIS LITTLE KID WAS AUTISTIC AND MY DUMB PARENTS COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

I WENT TO SRS, ST JUST, ROSS, SAVERS, $ANC, MAIN LIB.  I WAS LOOKING FOR BSUIT BOTTOMS.  I FINALLY FOUND SWIM SKORTS AND JEWELRY TO REMAKE INTO MY IMAGE. 

I FEEL REMARKABLY CAPABLE. 

ALSO NOTICE THE TIME.  I'M AT THE LIBRARY ON A 90-100 degree DAY.

FIRST BEST

FEELING ANXIETY.  I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S ASPERGERS OR NORMAL ANXIETY FROM NEW IDEAS AND BEHAVIORS.

I REALIZED I'VE ALWAYS AIMED FOR SECOND BEST, SECOND PRIZE.  NOT AS PRESTIGIOUS. 

WHAT THE WORLD CONSIDERS #1 ISN'T ALWAYS WHAT I CONSIDER BEST FOR ME.  WHEN OFFERED THE MACY'S JOB, WHEN I WON THE CADILLAC ESCALADE, I DIDN'T WANT THEM.  NOT MY FIRST CHOICE.

I ACTUALLY CHOSE TO BLOG THIS A M

FOR THE FIRST TIME I FEEL LIKE BLOGGING. THIS DOESN'T FEEL LIKE A JOB I'M FORCED TO DO, I WANT TO BLOG.

I GOOGLED ASPERGERSNEXT AND I'M LINKED TO MY OTHER BLOGS.



I FOUND A BRAND NEW UNOPENED SET OF CHANGE YOUR THINKING, CHANGE YOUR LIFE LAST WEEK HERE AT SENIORS.  TWO DVDS, BOX OF 6 CDS, AND A JOURNAL.  TURNED OUT TO BE JUNK.

I'M STILL FEELING ANXIOUS.  I USED THE HYPNOSIS CD FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT TO SLEEP. 

I CALLED FIRST UNITED CU, RE; MY IRA TO CONSOLIDATE ACCOUNTS AND MAKE MY LIFE SIMPLER.  I HAVE UNTIL TUESDAY THE 29TH AND THEY ARE OPEN SATURDAYS 9-1.

I'LL KEEP ME POSTED.

"NORMAL" ANIMAL BEHAVIOR

ALL MY ASPERGER SYMPTOMS ENGENDERED NEGATIVE REACTIONS FROM MY FAMILY BECAUSE THEY REACTED AS ANIMALS NOT HUMANS.

THEY MADE ME SMARTER, HAVING TO SURVIVE.

I'M LEARNING MORE AND MORE OF MY QUIRKY BEHAVIOR IS NORMAL FOR ASPERGERS.

 HOW DO I USE IT NOW?

I FOUND A REFERENCE TO AUTISTIC ADVOCACY.ORG IN SUNDAY'S PAPER. NO HELP.

I'M ASSIGNING THE DAY TO ASPERGERS

I KNEW SOME STORE HAD TUNA FOR 58 FRIDAY AND FORGOT TO CHECK SAFEWAY ONLINE.  DOWNSTAIRS THE ADS I LEFT YESTERDAY WERE STILL THERE AND IT WASN'T SAFEWAY IT WAS LUCKY'S.

I DROVE TO LUCKYS TO REDEEM MY SAVEMART FREEBIE YOGURT, AND THE TUNA FOR 58: FRIDAY, SAT/SUN.

I CHECKED THE CLEARANCE VEGGIES AND FOUND A SMALL TRAY FOR 1.99.

I CHECKED THE CLEARANCE SECTION AND FOUND COOKIES FOR 99 AND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF WITHOUT TAGS.  SO I TOOK THEM TO CUSTOMER SERVICE AND IT WAS CLOSED FOR THE DAY.  SO I WENT TO SELF-CHECK OUT AND ASKED TO SCAN THEM AND THE XMAS STUFF WAS REGULAR PRICE.  THERE WAS ONE CORNBREAD STUFFING MIX , THE SAME I GOT AT SAVEMART FOR 99 BUT IT SCANNED 6.29. 

SO I RANG UP THE YOGURT AND COOKIES AND VEGGIES AND THE REWARDS CARD COUPON DIDN'T WORK.  SO THE CLERK ASKED THE OFFICE AND THE STORE MANAGER CAME OUT TO EXPLAIN THE REWARDS WERE SEPARATE NOW. 

I'VE GOTTEN FREE PASTA, SODA, ETC. FROM LUCKY. 
HE HAD TO REMOVE THE YOGURT.  I HAVE TO GET IT FROM SAVEMART.  SO I ASKED HIM ABOUT THE CLEARANCE ITEMS AND HE ASKED ME WHICH ONES, SO I TOLD HIM THE GLUTINO CORNBREAD STUFFING ,7 CANDIED FRUIT, AND TWO CHERRIE JUICES.  HE SAID I COULD HAVE THEM FOR $1/EA.  I ASKED HOW DO I DO THAT ON THE MACHINED AND HE SAID THE SELF-CHECK CLERK HAD TO DO IT AND HE WOULD TELL HIM.  I WENT TO GET THE ITEMS.  I WAS SOO HAPPY I DIDN'T NOTICE WHICH MACHINGE I WAS AT.  THEN HE REMINDED ME I HADN'T FINISHED THE ORIGINAL SALE.  SO WHEN I TRIED TO RE-RING THE COOKIES AND VEGS IT WOULDN'T TAKE MY DISCOVER CARD.  USING THE SAME CARD TWICE LOCKS THE MACHINE.  I HADN'T NOTICED.  I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE FORGOTTEN STUFF AND WENT THROUGH THE LINE AGAIN.  SO HE HAD TO HELP ME AGAIN AND UNLOCK THE MACHINE.

SINCE I WAS RIGHT BY THE RECYCLE I THOUGHT ABOUT STOPPING BUT I'D HAVE TO GET MY CASH FROM THE SAME CLERK SO I DECIDED TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER DAY.

I LEFT AND SAW A CITY LIBRARIAN AND ASKED IF SHE WORKED THERE AND SHE SAID YES AND SHE'D SEEN ME MANY TIMES TOO. SO WE TALKED ABOUT MEDICARE AND THE SENIOR CENTER AND THE POOLS ,ETC.  SHE HELD OUT HER HAND AND SAID HER NAME IS EMILY.  SWEET.  WE PARTED COMPANY.  I GOT IN THE CAR AND REMEMBERED THE TUNA.

SO I WENT BACK IN AND LOOKED FOR THE TUNA IN THE CANNED MEAT SECTION AND TOOK 10 OF WHAT I THOUGHT WERE THE ONES.  THEY RANG UP AT 1.50 EA.

IN THE MEANTIME CLERK 1 RAN AWAY SO CLERK 2 LOOKS AND THERE'S AN ENDCAP FULL OF PRODUCT.  SO I FINALLY GOT MY TUNA.

OUR BRAINS WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

I'M STILL A LITTLE FREAKED OUT RUNNING INTO AIL AT CHASE BANK PARKING.  SHE PULLED UP AFTER ME, RIGHT NEXT TO ME.  HELENE WONDERED IF SHE HAD FOLLOWED ME.  1-2-2016 SATURDAY AFTER SENIOR EXERCISE.


SHE SAID HAPPY NEW YEAR SUSAN.  NOT SUE.  I RESPONDED IN KIND AND WAITED TO CALM AND CENTER AND BALANCE MYSELF BEFORE GOING INTO THE BANK.  I'M STILL GUARDING MYSELF.


WITHOUT CONSCIOUSLY SEEKING THEM OUT I CHOOSE TO TRY TO BEFRIEND:  ARLENE, IRENE, TOKI(WHO I FOUND OUT THIS WEEK IS NAMED EILEEN).  WHAT ARE THE ODDS???  PRETTY ODD TO ME.


I'M IN A STATE OF ANXIETY.  I WANT TO LIVE IN A STATE OF COMFORT. 


THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA = THE STATE OF COMFORT.


I KARAOKED LAST NIGHT.  MY VOICE GAVE OUT AFTER TWO SONGS.  I WATCHED THE NEW SEASON OF TWO BROKE GIRLS AND ???   BIG BANG?  I DON'T REALLY RECALL. 


I STARTED EXERCISING AFTER LUNCH WHEN IT'S MUCH QUIETER AND LESS CROWDED.  EVENINGS AFTER 5 ARE BUSIER.