Friday, April 22, 2011

round and round

Trying to get into this account is just that.  Trying.  Had to go through the whole reset, check email.  Wasn't planning on writing anything.  Life is in maintenance mode.   Finally remembered what I  wanted to look up and did successfully, tried to access blogger and was brought back down to earth.  I release my resistance to the almighty internet.  Wow!! I  do have authority issues.  Anything that's worshiped whether it be S&P, or the boss, or even God I have questions.  The mucky-mucks and the economy are so full of air.  Puffed up with nothing tangible. 

More later.

Sat. 5-7-11.It's later.  Still tricking myself with all this internet hocus pocus.  Kids and the kidlike have a delusion that because they can manage the internet it's some sort of talent.  I don't think so.  It's just another hoop to jump through.  Another club to join to feel SPECIAL.

We already are special.  Even identical twins are unique. 

Monday, April 4, 2011

Tricks part 2

I just realized I can embellish on this page.  I've been trying to underline and couldn't figure out how.  A whole new bag of tricks.  And I've noticed how to go from different folders by clicking the tab.  I can go back and forth. 

Being the Lone Ranger has its benefits.  The peace, quiet, and ability to focus on me.  I've spent my life in fear waiting to be punished by my family.  They died and left me the peace that passes all understanding.  I can live with that. 

Spent hours looking for an adult aspergers site.  I guess I'll have to try facebook or youtube.

WOW! Playing tricks on myself

So this April's Fools I left the ignition in my car on and my battery was completely drained.  CSAA was there and I was on my way 1/2 hr later. 
I wonder if other people play tricks on themselves?  I would guess so.  Or the planet would be better organized...

Got my taxes done.  Another task accomplished.  Life is a series of jobs to me.  I never had a childhood of just living. I was blamed and made responsible my entire childhood.   My life has always been work.  My job as a child was to survive.  I can't understand people who don't take care of business first.  And I know lots of people. 

The Healing Circle was another Unpaid Servant Job.  Not a volunteer.  Volunteers are treated with respect.  I couldn't understand Rick's not speaking up for me when I started using invocation/benediction, bells, candles, using tennis ball to ease tightness in feet, delivering new release dvds, etc. Always being ever so helpful and never being included in "family" dinners and dismissed like a servant when doing him favors.  This morning in the shower I realized Anjie's treating me as a servant came from Rick's cues.  No wonder he never spoke to her about her behavior.  She might have improved her life and he doesn't want that.  Art Martin was right.  His back IS the manifestation of his thinking. 

Thank God for Anjie pointing the way or I'd still be dissed.

I let go of my limits and accept Direction.