Thursday, December 8, 2011

Getting ready for a new world-a new me

On checking my emails I got many b-day wishes.  So nice of them to take the time.  Calmest most peace filled b-day ever.  And of these I want more.  As many as possible.  Feels so weird not to feel pressured to give and do for my family.  They always pressured me to feel guilty.  That energy is so toxic.  I can NOW release all toxins in my life. 

I've been wearing my back brace everyday and it makes a vast difference in my feeling good.  Looks terrible under my clothes but it doesn't wrinkle and snag things.  I don't feel nauseated and limp or listless.  I actually feel good sometimes.  I have more energy to enjoy living.  Having no energy is the pits.  No quality of life. 

I've never in my life been this free.  Makes me woozy.  I have dvds overdue and due today.  Hurray!!  Still feeling good.  SClara no longer has telephone service so I didn't know.  Thank goodness I checked all of them.  SV is due today too.  I can do that tonite.  County can wait.  Printed out list at sr.s.

Been watching dvds I want and not watching is a luxury.  I've always been so manic about making everything A JOB  to avoid feeling FAMILY guilt.

That's a huge hit.  Right on, Right on.  I can release that learned behavior to return to the family.   I reject that enslaving limit.  Return to sender.  Address unknown. 

Tomas' called ystday about lunch/brunch w/curtis.  He called this am to say not this week.  Which is better for me.  I signed up for lunch and I want to eat with company.  It feels just right to visit with strangers and have a light meal.  I love it for now.  Who knows later??  TM wanted me to ditch sr lunch.  Old Susan would have busted my buns to do what everyone else wanted.  Busted my buns.  That's exactly what happened 1972.  And I wasn't aware.  And in 2001.  I ripped up all the scar tissue in my body to remodel my musculature.  Kaiser told me I was depressed from menopause and mom's death.  They were so wrong.  I am addressing the real issues.  Awesome.

New behaviors for a new life.

Woohoo!!  I'm at the library and I returned the dvds and paid online and am feeling fairly successful.  Only fairly cause I know where the rings are going.  In the trash when I wash and dry my hands the towel spirits them away.  And I'm okay with it.  At least now I know. 

I still have to go to SV to return (no renewals) and I have all the time in the world 'til 8pm.  Big Bang Theory new episode tonite. 

This sense of excitement is so new and strange.  I'll have to adjust and adapt to functioning in this state.