Friday, November 16, 2012

TWO YEARS!!! 11*16**12

I'm amazed I've been coming here (Sr Ctr) for two years.  My back is sooo much better.  My digestion is better.  I'm sometimes happy.  I'm reconnected to my body.  I mistakenly thought I was an airhead.  I was just on abuse overload.  To protect my sanity I learned to disconnect from the abuse.  So I spent most of my life in a cocoon and while my "family" existed I couldn't come out and survive.

For the first time in my life I have people who care about ME.  Not how they can use me.  Not treating me like a servant.  How much and what they can get out of me.

Took me 60 years and this back injury to see the fact that when some people give you things it's because they already have a plan of what they want to take from you.  Not get, take.

My senior friends appreciate me.  Doing what they can for me because they like me and themselves.  No strings.  They know the universe functions perfectly.

Do remember, not everyone here is my friend.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Happiest university

 I hope for a place humankind can learn new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.                    

 Creating a new world from within.                  

Not easy or comfortable but so worth working and playing towards.               

Lost the original date I thought of it.   

I guess I'll continue learnin how to manuever this and then they'll change it.   

IF ONLY---Did I choose this??

 It occured to me this a.m. that according to E. Cayce this life may be my one in seven.  The difficult    work lifetime. 

 That this life may be difficult because I set it up this way.   Even writing this blog, it's doing weird things.  And so it goes.  

 I'm experimenting with getting the background stable and I have know idea how I did it but it's blipping up and down.  

 I was watching a crime show.  Don't remember what but the writer on her blog hid messages by writing white on white.  Interesting concept.  Also, I read in the news that relatives of dead people are trying to have evidence of the deceased removed from the internet.  Why??   

Human (animal?) behavior confuses me.  How much of peoplekind is animal and how much divine and how to tell.

 Since aspergers is a brain mutation I believe it's an evolutionary step in solving the animal problems of greed, violence towards others, cruelty of all kinds. 

Aspergers people have an unusual level and manifestation of empathy for all living beings.  Temple Grandin being a clear example. 

 Her work has created safer beef products by eliminating the cruelty of slaughter and the toxins created and ingested by fear permeated meat. 

Playing with all the doodads at the top of this page.  Guess I'm done for now.           

Ooh, yes.  I forgot to change my yard boots and wore them to the Sr. Ctr.  so I'm wearing my shower sandals today.  Another lesson in forgiving myself.  My mom and A would have crucified me and never let me live it down.  No peace for Susan in their world.      

And I suppose they knew that.                                                                                                           

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Verdana Font-Closer to my heaven

Talking to em and m about my theory of evolution/devolution the savages/de-evolved are afraid of the pack finding them out.  That's where and why the viciousness. 

Thank you God that it's 2012 or human behavior would still warrent assasination.   

I'm so glad I can paint my words.  It's soo much more fun.  And I'm hungry and time to eat snack.

Monday, April 16, 2012


Feelings are our connection to Spirit. 

If we practice we get good at it.  Whatever it is. 

I had to listen to energy well to avoid the worst of the insanity at home.  So my sense of intuition became developed beyond my comfort zone.  And then I learned the reason for my discomfort.  I never believed in reincarnation.  The idea conflicted with my idea of an intelligent God.  Why would God keep putting us in the third grade?

Then because of a psychosomatic reaction to filling out divorce papers I sought the help of a Dr. Eidelshink at Kaiser Hayward.  My first experience with hypnosis.  We focused on the reasons behind the physical reaction.  And he taught me self-hypnosis, deep relaxation focusing on the underlying cause of my physical resistance to a divorce I desperately wanted.  That weekend was an Association for Research and Enlightenment (Edgar Cayce) seminar at the Oakland airport hotel.  A induced me to babysit her and true to form dumped me as soon as she hooked up.  So although I didn't believe it existed I went to the session.  The induction was protected by the caveat no unpleasant experience would occur.  So I went to "sleep".

I listened to people's deluded tales and was refreshed from my 20 minute "nap".  As always A was late and so she rushed me home and rushed on her way.  True to form she called me next morning (Sunday) and prattled on about her experience.  While she was talking I saw superimposed over my vision 3 cels.  The people and clothing were all too familiar.  I knew it was a past life in Victorian times and that my miserable marriage was karmic balance.  Once Pandora's box was opened I became aware of many ties and understood puzzling situations.

I came to accept that God allowed us to create and perpetuate reincarnation as a get out of jail card. 

Thursday, March 8, 2012


A chemical state caused by emotions.  Emotions are feelings encapsulated in the body.  Emotion is blocked energy.  It takes energy to contain energy.  No wonder it's tiring. 

Repressed emotions are past experiences unsafe to explore at the time.  So depression gives us an opportunity to reexamine the experience and expunge, erase it from the system.  Memories are chemical tracks laid down to aid us in survival.  Optimum success from avoiding known failures or threats. 

To reprogram those chemical tracks takes a lot of either repetition or the infusion of a lot of energy.  Traumatic experiences are the hardest to expunge because of the energy-strength of the induction. 

Like the Law of Physics an equal and opposite force is required to change the direction and momentum of a memory. 

A recurring memory, obsessive memory is fading and the survival mechanism in our minds sets off a signal to retain or abort.  Memories are never simply forgotten.  Drugs or a physical injury may change or delete a memory.  When the  memory is too painful or unacceptable to the psyche the repressed memory is unconscious.  It has become second nature.  Natural to the person.  Safety and comfort are necessary to safely, comfortably examine and assess the memory.  Keep, store, or throw away.  Just like spring cleaning.

I will consciously choose to keep or reprogram my thoughts.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


Imagine a point as an electron.

Extend the point and you have an electric current.

Extend the current and you have a magnetic field.

Rotate the field and you have gravity.


I used to think life was a sine wave with peaks and valleys travelling along the x-axis.  What I've come to accept is that the sine wave is on a 45 degree angle.  Also, life can be viewed as a spiral.  Sometimes when lessons seem to be repeated you're one level higher on the spiral and it just looks like you're in the same place.

A sine wave can be described by the point on a circle travelling along the x-axis with the center point of the circle having a constant y-value.   The farther out from the center (y-constant) the greater the amplitude of the sine wave.  I think of God as the center of the circle and the farther away from God-center the more chaotic the ride. The higher the highs, especially on the 45 degree incline.

Monday, February 27, 2012


Yes, it's about time I wrote this down.  About time.  Ha, ha.  OK.    I never had a problem resolving creation and evolution.  If God is all powerful and created the Universe, God created evolution.  If God is eternal, millions, billions of years equal one day when compared to eternity.  How is God to describe to the prophets a million or a billion when most people are illiterate and mathematics in its infancy. 

When looking at the embryonic development of all animals the first stages all look the same.  Only later the DNA causes the embryos to develop and differentiate.  My theory is that some people are stuck in the reptile or avian stage of development.  Abuse and neglect are probable causes for d/evolution.  Abuse and neglect force the baby or adult to lock into survival mode and unless there is an intervention strong enough to break the lock the adult never feels higher feelings of charity, empathy, sympathy. 

The lower order needs are the only hierarchal needs recognized by the stunted adults.  Maslow's hierarchy of needs doesn't exist for reptilian thinking people because they are incapable of higher order thinking and feeling.  No amount of talking or action can prove to someone outside the human range of feelings the importance of humanity for the survival of the species.

The greed of the Bernie Maddoff's of the world destroys people's hopes and dreams thereby spiritually and psychologically killing people.  Because the victims still walk around economically ruined, the soul/mind killers are put in "jail" and fined.  They are worse than Hitler or any of the rapacious tyrants of the world.  All crimes against humanity are an act of war and terrorism against mankind's evolution.

The unseen wounds are the hardest to heal.  Post traumatic stress is rampant in the world.  Because historically every age has a different trauma the concensus is every stress is different.  The pain and healing are the same.  Emotional pain is the same as the amputee's phantom pain of loss of limb.  It's energy blocked and unnatural, not belonging. 

Healing is a totally individual experience.  Each unique and miraculous healing is called forth by asking.  And each and every healing comes directly from the life energy that created us all.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Holy holy.  Tried to find my blogs and I was redirected to etherworld and the message my title was available so I created another hersusanstory and I now have two of the same title. 

Whew!!  Ar told me I've been sending her emails and I haven't so I guess someone has my meager 26 email addresses and is harassing folks via my list.  I know nothing.

OK I renamed the second susan blog two(II) and googled it and was directed to aspergersnextgeneration for the first time.  I still don't know what I'm doing and the internet is wonderfully forgiving and gentle in its lessons and corrections. 

Got kicked off the comptr and got anothr one.  Riting shorthand is fun.  Only hope I can remember my conjunctions.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Reprogamming feels scary

Life really is getting better.  Saw a Pacific Autism van yesterday and I'm feeling a little freaked out.  All my hopes are coming true.

OK deep breathing.  Creating new pathways in the brain feels scary simply because it's new.  The chemicals are tied to fear because SO MUCH OF LIFE'S NEW THINGS HAVE A SCARY POTENTIAL. 

We're hardwired to recognize NEW with concern.  Let's face history.  So many new things, experiences ended in death.  So of course our bodies in trying to do the best for us signal danger!!!  Even when there is no threat.  The newness is the threat. 

Deep breathing to the point of hyperventilating will change the chemistry from fear to dizzy.  I can consciously change my chemistry intentionally without drugs or outside chemicals.  I can create the chemicals from within.  Which is what visualization and meditation do for sick people. 

Do people get sick from ignoring the chemical warnings?  I believe they do.

Friday, January 20, 2012

And More Is Being Revealed-Another piece of the Puzzle

Found Kids in the Syndrome Mix of ADHD, LD, ... by Martin L. Kutscher MD claiming to be the only book needed.  Ha Ha.  Some good info tho'.

*Oppositional Defiant Disorder-gets charge from giving hard time.
*Conduct Disorder-cruelty to people and animals.  Law breaking, no remorse.
*Antisocial Personality Disorder-generally leads to arrest.
*Central Auditory Processing Disorders-unintentional miscommunications.

So some people are conscious of the differences between psychos and aspergers.  I can understand now why people are so afraid of different behaviors. 

It's weird but I think Aspies must have a screening process that warns them.  An early detection system in place.  Or maybe because coming from a family of psychos I can see them coming. 

Having a wonderful time.  Wish everyone was here.  Maybe they are and I don't realize it .