Tuesday, September 19, 2017

HOW DO I BECOME SAFE?

I NEED TO STRENGTHEN MY FAITH AND THEN I'LL FEEL SAFE.  I'VE HAD PHYSICAL PROOF I'LL BE OK AND STILL I DOUBT.

I'M HUMAN.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

I DECIDED TO GO INTO CSAA TO ASK ABOUT DISCOUNTS FOR INSURANCE AND I FEEL SO SAD. 

WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? 

I WENT ONLINE TO HOME ADVISOR TO LOOK UP SKYLIGHT REPAIR.  I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

CAMOFLAGE

THE CONSCIOUS ADULT NEEDS NO WEAPONS;  ALWAYS ARMED WITH ATTENTION. 

PREY NO MORE.  PRAY MORE. 

Thursday, August 24, 2017

FAMILIAR ANXIETY

THE OLD FAMILY ANXIETY RE:  DAD'S MISERABLE DEATH. 

ALL AUGUST WAS HELL DUE TO AA IN 1999.  NOW THAT I'M PHYSICALLY ABLE TO PROCESS THE EXPERIENCE I CAN FEEL ALL THE EMOTIONAL BODY ISSUES.  THE SADNESS, DEPRESSION, FEAR, INEVITABILITY.  SLEEPLESSNESS, I'M SLEEPING LIKE A BABY, WAKING EVERY TWO HOURS.  AND FEELING EXHAUSTED.  DAD WAKING ME UP 2-3 AM FOR WEEKS AND STILL HAVING TO GO TO WORK.  TAKING HIM TO EMERGENCY.  MOM HAD ALL DAY TO SLEEP WHEN HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.  AND THE WICKED SISTERS LYING TO HER.  SO THEY COULD DISAPPOINT HER AGAIN.

AND THE FINAL WEEK, HIS BEGGING ME AND MOM TO KILL HIM.  THE CRYING FOR VICODIN.  AND STILL THE UNWILLINGNESS TO HELP US HELP HIM. 

HE DIED AS HE LIVED. 

Friday, August 18, 2017

NAMING

AS OPPOSED TO SHAMING. 

THIS FALL A NEW PROGRAM OF AN AUTISTIC DOCTOR.

HOW MANY WILL BE REVEALED?

Saturday, August 12, 2017

unlimited

YESTERDAY STARTED OK.  I WENT AND DID LAUNDRY@SCOTT.  I WAS GOING TO SRS AND THE LEFT FRONT TIRE WAS FLAT.  I KNOW IT WAS PRECIPITATED BY THE ROADWORK AT MONROE(X)KIELY.

I CALLED CSAA AND WAITED OVER AN HOUR.  I DRYED THE CLOTHES.  I EMPTIED THE TRUNK AND GOT EVERYTHING READY.  KEN CHANGED IT, I ASKED HOW LONG I COULD DRIVE ON THE DOUGHNUT AND HE SAID JUST NO FREEWAY.

SO I WAS GOING TO WAIT TO GET NEW TIRES, I NEED TWO ANYWAY, AND THE DOUGHNUT MADE SO MUCH NOISE I CALLED AM. TIRES AND WENT IN.

I WENT HOME 4PM AND ATE DINNER.  THEN I READ AND WATCHED JEO+WHEEL.  I WENT TO THE MLIB 80'S BASH, ATE ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND PIZZA, POTATO CHIPS.  KARAOKE, PICTURES, FUN TOYS.  UNTIL 9:45.

HOME AND BED.

THE CAR IS STILL FULL FROM THE TRUNK JUNK.


Thursday, August 10, 2017

WEIRD WEATHER

IT MUST BE THE EFFECTS OF THE ECLIPSE ON 21.  I KEEP STRESSING ABOUT RAIN AND THE LEAKY SKYLIGHT.

IT'S JUST INCREDIBLY HUMID.