Wednesday, September 26, 2018

WE LEARN TO DEAL

WE LEARN BEHAVIORS TO OFFSET OUR SYMPTOMS.  WE NEVER OUT GROW IT.  DOCTORS, SCIENTISTS KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT.  UNLESS THEY LIVE IT THEY'LL NEVER KNOW. 

I'M LEARNING, TEACHING MYSELF NEW BEHAVIORS.  AND IT'S SCARY.  I WANT A BETTER LIFE.  AND I'M WILLING TO LEARN A BETTER LIFE.


Sunday, September 9, 2018

OMG

I DIDN'T TAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO LOUISE HAY.  I'M BALANCING DAD'S DEATH WITH MR ROGER'S NEIGHBORHOOD DOCUMENTARY.  BAD DAD/GOOD DAD.

I CAME TO CUPERTINO LIBRARY AFTER EXERCISE, SAFEWAY BAKERY, FOUND TWO QUARTERS IN PAY PHONE, AND NOW I'M LISTENING TO LOUISE HAY AND POSTING THIS.

WOOHOO!!


Saturday, August 25, 2018

MATURATION/VIOLENCE

WE CONTINUE BEING AUTISTIC.  WE LEARN TO OVERLAY OUR GENETIC DISPOSITION WITH SOCIALLY PREFERRED BEHAVIORS BUT THE GENETIC TENDENCIES ARE STILL THERE IN TIMES OF STRESS AND ONLY BY SELF DISCIPLINE CAN THOSE TENDENCIES BE OVER RIDDEN.  AND NEVER REMOVED.  THEY'RE GENETIC.

WHEN STRESSED WE INTROVERT.  WE HAVEN'T THE ABILITY FOR VIOLENCE BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST IN OUR GENETIC CODING.  WE HAVE SELF PROTECTION, SELF DEFENSE BECAUSE IT'S CORE PROGRAMMING.  VIOLENCE IS A PERVERTED FORM OF SELF DEFENSE.  PROCREATION IMPERATIVE PERVERTED BECOMES RAPE.

ONE OF THE FIRST ACTS OF TOTALITARIAN GOVERNMENTS IS TO SUBVERT SEX TO CHANNEL THAT VIGOR INTO VIOLENCE AGAINST A SCAPEGOAT.  DIVIDE AND CONQUER NOT ONLY GROUPS BUT INDIVIDUALS BY FORCING THEM TO BETRAY THEMSELVES, GIVING UP THEIR IDEALS.




Monday, July 2, 2018

BEHAVIORS

I'VE LEARNED TO ADAPT AND ADJUST.  I'M MORE PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING WITH MYSELF.  I'M RESTING MORE AND EXERCISING MORE.  I'M TAKING BETTER CARE OF MYSELF.  I'M READING BOOKS I LOVE.  MY FAVORITE THING TO DO.


Saturday, May 12, 2018

I THINK

AUTISM IS ALL ABOUT FEELING.  LIFE IS ALL ABOUT FEELING.  PEOPLE BELIEVE THEY THINK THEIR LIVES BUT WE BASE DECISIONS ON FEELINGS.

I THOUGHT I WAS DOING BETTER BUT I LOST MY PHONES.  MY ATTENTION DEFICIT/DISTRACT ABILITY.   MOM'S DEATHIVERSARY GOT IN THE WAY.  AND I STARTED PHYSICAL THERAPY AND LOOKING FOR A CAR THIS WEEK.  I'VE BEEN DOING THE STEPS.  IT'S VERY HARD.

AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO 24 HR GRAND OPENING IN MILPITAS. MY COMPULSIONS ARE BETTER.


Monday, April 9, 2018

THAT WHICH MAKES ME SPECIAL

I ACCOMPLISHED EVERYTHING I WANTED.  A GOOD EPITAPH.  I BOUGHT TWO DRESSES FRIDAY.  ONE FIT GREAT, THE OTHER NOT.  I TOOK IT BACK TO COSTCO. 

I WENT EARLY TO SRS. INGA WAS AWOL.  I PUZZLED, TUBBED, LUNCHED, DECIDED TO GO CITIBANK.  WALKED TO LUCKY'S, ZERO.  ST J, ZERO.  WALGREEN'S SMOKES, ON TO COSTCO.  HOME 3:11.

MY ASPIES MAKES ME SPECIAL.  SETTING GOALS AND DOING THEM MAKES ME HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE.


Monday, March 19, 2018

THE NEWER ME

AS MY BODY REMODELS INJURIES MY THOUGHTS AND ATTITUDES ARE EVOLVING AND MY LIFE IS CHANGING.

I'M HAPPIER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN.  I HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.  IF ONE HAS LOVE EVERYTHING ELSE FOLLOWS.  OR MAYBE LOVE IS ALL IMPORTANT AND NOTHING ELSE IS REALLY IMPORTANT.