Feeling frantic-or frenetic

My inner child is fighting to get out.  I'm tired and frenzied at the same time.  Maybe I'm tired from having to control myself   all  the time, a valuable survival skill.  Not as useful today.  Just tiring.  I need help and I'm learning to ask for help. 

Surprise, surprise, Tomas has the same problem.  He has too many people to ask and they have no discernible boundaries.

Finding respectful people to help seems to be a problem on the planet.  Trust.  Trustworthy.

Went to Srs. to print out Faith Ptg. proposal and Sydney had to help.  I nu-stepped and showered.

Went to St. Justin's and the library and home and rest.

Called Tomas to see how the cleaning went and he said he'd "just puked out his guts" so I went into rescuer mode and stopped at Golden Crown for hot-sour soup.  Of course, I do need him healthy if he's to tear down the trellis.  So my behavior may be self-serving.  Hmmm...

Oh, Aspergers

New things are so uncomfortable.   Eric's in O'Connors Hospital,   Tomas  has the  serious flu,  and my new roof.   

I wrote the wrong amount to Wood's Roofing, Joe Cunniff.  Luckily he was at the bank and able to retrieve the check so I could write a new one before it bounced.  

The first time in my life I wrote a check wrong.  He was so nice about it.  

Dad always took care of carpenter things, so I have no skills.  I'm learning.  Thank you dad for all the years you did it.                   

 

The anxiety never goes away- I learn to manage it.

If I knew what I was doing the world would be mine, maybe.  

I take pflower for awhile, feel better and then forget to take it.  Then when the anxiety becomes unmanageable I remember.

Predator/Prey 7*14*13-Hitler and Caligula

Aspergers is an evolutionary tool to ensure continuation of the human species.  Too many predators destroy the civilization. 

Predators unchecked create Hitlers and Caligulas.  Insanity becomes the norm.

Managing symptoms-Susandate 6*28*2013

Feeling anxious after a remarkable week.  Started out cooler than usual with 70 degree days. 
Sunday cool so topped up bin Tomas was filling.  Chopped up stems and leaves kaki.  Suffered horribly shoulders and upper-middle back.  Exercised Mon.  Rested Tues. puzzle, and was feeling sick and tired went home early.  Napped.  Woke 5pm and readied for 6:30 SC  library for chocolate tasting and lecture on book writing. Janet Yamada, a volunteer at Sr Ctr lunch greeted me.  She's always nice to everyone.  She had dropped her raffle ticket on the floor.  I pointed it out and she said she never wins.  I won first canvas bag of books.   She won two bars of chocolate.  She gave me one and her friend Jillian.  She's always so giving.

I helped her hand out salads and sandwiches one day they were shorthanded by pushing the second trolley and the next day she had made a pkg of Godiva truffles for ME.

Exercised Wed.

CREATING A NEW DRUG-BEING THE NEW DRUG

Self-medicating all my life.         Nicotine from dad, and anger from mom.                                             

Since all of us are chemical factories creating and ingesting chemicals to function, finding a way to synthesize a new internal drug is possible by manipulating emotions.                          

EMOTIONS are choices we make.  By choosing different emotions we can control our bodies.                                          

Drug addicts are attempting in an intuitive way to control their emotional bodies and the world around them.  Overeaters use food.  Whenever anyone has a crisis, get them a glass of H2O to change their internal chemistry.                                 


We have a NEW FRONTIER to explore and experiment like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.                          

ADHD-scanning the environment,survival reflex**The search for My Passion**-Shawn Achor, Happiness Advantage

Attention deficit is a basic survival skill.  Prey animals constantly scan their surroundings for predators.  Terrorists.  In human beans ( on porpoise ), the lack of stimuli (perceived threat) sets up a resonance that causes a level of discomfort in nonaspergers individuals that seek chemical balance, resolution.

In other words, homo sapiens are so used to being in a state of stress and anxiety genetically and historically, behaviorally even, that if circumstances aren't stressful enough, we will create our own disaster.  Horror and disaster movies supply the adrenaline and cortisol fix since the brain/body reacts to what it witnesses. 

When I worked at Goodwill, one client who'd been repeatedly beaten and abused as a child, as an adult would throw himself down a flight of stairs or pick a fight he couldn't win if his life became too peaceful and calm.  The lack of discomfort (vacuum)was so painful to Robert that he needed to create physical pain to offset the lack of discomfort (fill the void with feeling), to feel alive.  Like cutting.

Abusers generally have been abused or even worse, witnessed severe abuse.  Children witnessing violence are powerless to stop the abuse and perhaps become abusers as self protection.

Aspergers feelings are not wired in a traditional way.  The genetic mutation allows aspies to decide how to respond if they've been raised with compassion.  In my case, I learned to shut down all feeling to survive in my family.  So I was labeled stupid, unfeeling, cold, crazy, etc.

Happiness Solution.  I just spent 1/2 hr looking for the PBS guy with the research.  Couldn't find it.  But I shall.....Scott A.....?  5/3/13 9:50AM-took me less than a day-23 hrs to remember Shawn Achor, Happiness Advantage.

So New Behaviors need to be installed to old feelings.  I'm sure terrorists feel their lives threatened by change.  They lash out with no understanding of how their emotions/feelings are running their lives.

"Find your passion and the money will follow" is so basic.  A passion cannot be a job.  Passion is Life.  A Passion is a calling.  I don't know again; if that's why passionflower is so important to my chemical balance.

6*13*13  Passion-The Elements, Sir Dr Ken Robinson,  What was the cartoon about the Robinsons?