MY ASPY SELF

LETTING PEOPLE DIE THE WAY THEY WANT IS HARD TO WATCH.  I CAN EXTRAPOLATE THEIR DEATH BY THE WAY THEY LIVE. 

NOT MY BUSINESS.  MY LIFE IS MY BUSINESS.  I MUST STAY AWAY FROM THE INSANE. 

IGNORANCE IS NOT KNOWING.  STUPIDITY IS REFUSING TO LEARN.  INSANITY IS EXPECTING A DIFFERENT OUTCOME.

FREE WILL.

                                                   EH

HOW DO I BECOME SAFE?

I NEED TO STRENGTHEN MY FAITH AND THEN I'LL FEEL SAFE.  I'VE HAD PHYSICAL PROOF I'LL BE OK AND STILL I DOUBT.

I'M HUMAN.

I DECIDED TO GO INTO CSAA TO ASK ABOUT DISCOUNTS FOR INSURANCE AND I FEEL SO SAD. 

WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? 

I WENT ONLINE TO HOME ADVISOR TO LOOK UP SKYLIGHT REPAIR.  I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.

CAMOFLAGE

THE CONSCIOUS ADULT NEEDS NO WEAPONS;  ALWAYS ARMED WITH ATTENTION AVOIDS TRAPS. 

I AM PREY NO MORE.  I PRAY MORE. 

FAMILIAR ANXIETY

THE OLD FAMILY ANXIETY RE:  DAD'S MISERABLE DEATH. 

ALL AUGUST WAS HELL DUE TO AA IN 1999.  NOW THAT I'M PHYSICALLY ABLE TO PROCESS THE EXPERIENCE I CAN FEEL ALL THE EMOTIONAL BODY ISSUES.  THE SADNESS, DEPRESSION, FEAR, INEVITABILITY.  SLEEPLESSNESS, I'M SLEEPING LIKE A BABY, WAKING EVERY TWO HOURS.  AND FEELING EXHAUSTED.  DAD WAKING ME UP 2-3 AM FOR WEEKS AND STILL HAVING TO GO TO WORK.  TAKING HIM TO EMERGENCY.  MOM HAD ALL DAY TO SLEEP WHEN HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.  AND THE WICKED SISTERS LYING TO HER.  SO THEY COULD DISAPPOINT HER AGAIN.

AND THE FINAL WEEK, HIS BEGGING ME AND MOM TO KILL HIM.  THE CRYING FOR VICODIN.  AND STILL THE UNWILLINGNESS TO HELP US HELP HIM. 

HE DIED AS HE LIVED. 

NAMING

AS OPPOSED TO SHAMING. 

THIS FALL A NEW PROGRAM OF AN AUTISTIC DOCTOR.

HOW MANY WILL BE REVEALED?

unlimited

YESTERDAY STARTED OK.  I WENT AND DID LAUNDRY@SCOTT.  I WAS GOING TO SRS AND THE LEFT FRONT TIRE WAS FLAT.  I KNOW IT WAS PRECIPITATED BY THE ROADWORK AT MONROE(X)KIELY.

I CALLED CSAA AND WAITED OVER AN HOUR.  I DRYED THE CLOTHES.  I EMPTIED THE TRUNK AND GOT EVERYTHING READY.  KEN CHANGED IT, I ASKED HOW LONG I COULD DRIVE ON THE DOUGHNUT AND HE SAID JUST NO FREEWAY.

SO I WAS GOING TO WAIT TO GET NEW TIRES, I NEED TWO ANYWAY, AND THE DOUGHNUT MADE SO MUCH NOISE I CALLED AM. TIRES AND WENT IN.

I WENT HOME 4PM AND ATE DINNER.  THEN I READ AND WATCHED JEO+WHEEL.  I WENT TO THE MLIB 80'S BASH, ATE ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND PIZZA, POTATO CHIPS.  KARAOKE, PICTURES, FUN TOYS.  UNTIL 9:45.

HOME AND BED.

THE CAR IS STILL FULL FROM THE TRUNK JUNK.