FAMILIAR ANXIETY

THE OLD FAMILY ANXIETY RE:  DAD'S MISERABLE DEATH. 

ALL AUGUST WAS HELL DUE TO AA IN 1999.  NOW THAT I'M PHYSICALLY ABLE TO PROCESS THE EXPERIENCE I CAN FEEL ALL THE EMOTIONAL BODY ISSUES.  THE SADNESS, DEPRESSION, FEAR, INEVITABILITY.  SLEEPLESSNESS, I'M SLEEPING LIKE A BABY, WAKING EVERY TWO HOURS.  AND FEELING EXHAUSTED.  DAD WAKING ME UP 2-3 AM FOR WEEKS AND STILL HAVING TO GO TO WORK.  TAKING HIM TO EMERGENCY.  MOM HAD ALL DAY TO SLEEP WHEN HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.  AND THE WICKED SISTERS LYING TO HER.  SO THEY COULD DISAPPOINT HER AGAIN.

AND THE FINAL WEEK, HIS BEGGING ME AND MOM TO KILL HIM.  THE CRYING FOR VICODIN.  AND STILL THE UNWILLINGNESS TO HELP US HELP HIM. 

HE DIED AS HE LIVED.