10/12/24 comic con cosplay-my prerogative

I'm 73 and everyday is cosplay for me.  I can do what I want in exchange for being old.  I've been spelling prerogative wrong 'til now.  hah!!

I'm feeling angry

Alien made mom feel guilty for spending "our inheritance" then took her to an audiologist for $5 k when mom and I had no problems.  I told mom she earned it she should spend it.  she reminded me Alien and mitt needed it.  I told mom if we couldn't manage as adults that money wouldn't help.  I always had to be the same logical adult while they ran rampant.  

and being attention deficit on to something better.   I thank God.

aspies perception of the universe

Shakespeare was accurate.  the universe is within.  how did he know?  maybe aspies are a throwback to nomads.  to quote swami beyondananda "I no mad at you, you no mad at me."  we have a different perception of ownership.  I am owned by my house, car, body, things.  I'm responsible for caring for these things.  they own me I don't own them unless I can walk away from them.  like in Harold and Maude she throws the engagement ring into the bay so she'll always know where it is.  

with unlimited funds i'd live in a retirement community and be chauffeured everywhere.  own the minimum.  be free.  

I love that everyone gets to be their favorite rock star.  my childhood everyone was required to look talk, be part of the herd.  no room for individuals.

Barry Kauffman Son-Rise

my first contact with autism through Clyde Burton.  Option Institute.  Raun Kauffman.  Dr Thomas Szasz.

content or content

oh, I make myself laugh.  I'm remembering Anne Bancroft in a skit singing "you like tomatoes and I like tomatoes.  Let's call the whole thing off."   content-the underlying material or content-a sense of satisfaction.  to be content with the content.  i.e. I'm perfect the way I am.

diabetics torture themselves with food

food issues are the toughest.  we have to eat to live.  anorexia bulimia are control issues.  someone used food to torture them and they go on to torture themselves.  I know so many diabetics with food issues.  skipping meals, eating late, sneaking treats, weight concerns, doing everything backwards.

new book i'm studying adult survivors of toxic family members.  parents teach siblings to continue the abuse.  page 21 explains so much; familiar lies are comforting and impart a false sense of safety.  I'm putting the human puzzle together.  only took 73 years.  

spent the day healing

i wasn't hungry yet i know i must eat.  while i waited i ice picked 3 pieces of pollock to microwave crock pot with diced tomatoes a little almond milk.  milk tenderizes fish.  the acids.  cooked onions, carrots, potatoes separately.  can garbanzos and corn.  nutritious and delicious.  topped with tortilla chips heavenly.  

i'm learning.  i was so tired i forgot i could ride hopper.  i rested all day, thought to look online.  i could have gone seniors.  i watched 'just shoot me' 3rd season.  1999 i needed all the laughs i could get.  dad died after a torturous year.  i was exhausted then too.  this time i don't have to worry about mom killing herself.