we take in everything-WHEN WILL THEY WAKE UP!!!

common people learn to screen out what doesn't profit them.  i'm watching fighting on the tv at gym 2 while i dress and think what a waste of energy.  i'd rather see a contest of house building or something constructive.  even the movies people want to see things blown up destroyed.  people murdered as long as it's not them.  don't they realize that's all coming from primitive brain???  

people admire the skills that were important 2000 years ago.  all the "entertainment" and 'recreation' are admiring cave man skills.  fixing GLOBAL WARMING requires seeing that the commercial consumption is us consuming ourselves.  i see an ad for the global warming movie with star interviews and next a 'service' for more gift technology.  more waste than improving our lives.  does it add value?  gaah!!

now i see it

my fascination with what people look at and don't see.  i found a wells fargo visa card on the side walk.  i flagged down a mail man to take to the bank but not on his route.  then i remembered there might be one inside safe way so at the corner the owner came around the corner looking for it.  whew!! i know how panicked and depressed i would be.  

that's the gift: seeing.  most people selectively learn to screen out unimportant details.  autism has no screens.  everything is a danger.

i soaked in the hot tub at gym 2 and i'm hanging in sunny vale.  learning happiness.   

i'm feeling happily autistic.

the people in my life accept me just as i am.  even when mom wanted me to be someone else i just wanted to be me.  even when she repeatedly punished me i was glad to be me.  i'm the best me i can be.  

my virgin Uber ride was great.  my free medicare ride to care more Carlos picked me up 2:45 exactly.  i love being chauffeured.  so i was happy and well rested my blood pressure good, all my numbers better than last year.  this is the way to go for a yearly physical.  going home i waited in the office.  the first car called didn't show up.  i got home 5:15.

a d d or distraction

the ability to distract oneself from sadness, negativity or criticism has served me well.  also the ability to hyper focus.  two sides to the same coin.  not a disability but an unique ability surely.  home 1 pm 'gigi' the musical of a groomed courtesan who marries.  i don't understand how this is acceptable.  the old me found it entertaining the now me is horrified.                                                                                                                                                    totally relaxed while watching 'Poirot's the labors of Hercules' i experienced 2 body quakes the first so strong it almost bounced me out of the bed.  it came from my solar plexus.  not muscles discharging electricity like a twitch.  a sudden surge of energy.  nothing like an external linear surface twitch.  this lasted.  3 dimensional.  the opposite of a stabbing.  Agatha Christie depicts the ultimate predator without compassion or guilt.  like my sisters.  perfectly camouflaged to appear human.        

being autistic

i wonder.  i love figuring out how things work.  for the first time in my life i enjoy being.  i've lived my life trying to be someone average.  mom always telling me i wasn't good enough.  be like other people.  be a liar thief like other people.  be cruel and selfish.  

all social interactions can be defined by predator/prey.  predators pick on people thinking they're prey until the prey shoots someone.  the terrorists despots are deluded predators whose ultimate result is death and destruction.  they're not stupid just deluded.  

mom was my predator.  basically a coward.  she taught my sisters to be predators.  wolves in sheep clothing.  predators are good at camouflage.  

#me too--raping the earth

that's what global warming and covid, sars, ebola, bird flu, swine flu, etc. are all about.  the planet resents being raped.  

this break from the routine has been great for me.  i've always dreaded change before but i feel so me.  autism is like living in a movable cave.  

people choose trump the predator

i couldn't understand people trusting the lying molester.  voting for and defending him until i realized they want a predator to defend them insanely believing they won't be devoured.  so 40 % are subconsciously insane driven by genetic coding.  

my sisters treat me the way my parents taught them to treat me.  children mimic behavior of the most aggressive parent figure to optimize their chances of survival.