HAPPY NEW YEAR

I FEEL NORMAL.  ALL MY LIFE ALL I WANTED WAS NORMALCY. 

THE ABUSE I RECEIVED FROM MY FAMILY WAS POINTEDLY BASED ON MY DIFFERENCES.  I WAS FASTER, SMARTER, BETTER LOOKING THAN MY FAMILY.  I DIDN'T FIT.  THEY DID EVERYTHING TO BEAT ME DOWN. 

I'M STILL HERE. 

I FEEL AT PEACE WITH MY AUTISM SYMPTOMS.  I'M ACCEPTED BY MY PEEPS AT SRS. 

AND IT ONLY TOOK 67 YEARS.  I WONDER IF I'D KNOWN EARLIER IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SOONER.  OR IF IT'S A CHEMICAL PROGRESSION BASED ON MATURITY.

PREY ANXIETY

HAVING THE PREY ANXIETY MAKES ME MORE SENSITIVE TO OTHERS AND MY SURROUNDINGS. I.E. WEATHER, ENVIRONMENT, SMELLS, SOUNDS.

ASPERGERS IS BEING MORE FINELY TUNED TO THE UNIVERSE AND SUBJECT TO MORE DISTRACTIONS.

SO I NEED MORE DOWN TIME AND TO RECHARGE MORE FREQUENTLY.  LIKE MY PHONE AND CHROME.

LOOKING AT CARS, SOME ARE ELECTRIC AND SOME ARE HYBRID.  WHAT DO I WANT?

I'M STILL LEARNING

I WAS SO TRAUMATIZED BY THE FAMILY NOT TO EXPERIENCE FEELINGS, I'M STILL LEARNING HOW TO BEFRIEND MY FEELINGS.

THEY TAUGHT ME TO HONOR THEIR FEELINGS WHILE REJECTING MINE.  I WASN'T ALLOWED TO FEEL.  THEY WERE JEALOUS GODS.  THE THREATS AND PUNISHMENTS WERE EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE.  I'M STILL REMODELING MY GUT LEVEL REACTIONS.

I BELIEVE MY PARENTS BOTH HAD ASPY TENDENCIES WHICH WERE AMPLIFIED IN ME.  THEY HATED ME FOR REFLECTING BACK AT THEM WHAT THEY HATED ABOUT THEMSELVES.  AND SO THEY DIED UNFORTUNATELY, UNCOMFORTABLY.

TOO BAD THEY LIVED IN THE PAST.  THE FUTURE IS SO MUCH BRIGHTER.

MISOGYNY IS BEING CONFRONTED HEAD ON RIGHT NOW.  SO MANY SELF-HATING WOMEN IN THE WORLD.  I WONDER IF FEMALE DISEASES WILL DWINDLE?

m&d

I THINK I HAVE ASPERGERS DUE TO BOTH PARENTS.  BOTH OF THEM WERE A LITTLE WEIRD AND THAT WOULD EXPLAIN MY OFF THE CHARTS SCORE.

COME ON 36/18.

OUTGROWN

I THINK THE BEHAVIORS BECOME MODIFIED WITH PRACTICE.  I'M NO LONGER OBS/COMPULSIVE.  IT FEELS WEIRD.  THAT NERVOUS EDGE IS GONE.  I DON'T WORRY ABOUT PAYING BILLS, WHAT TIME TO AWAKE, WHAT I'M DOING.

WHO AM I?

WHO DO I WANT TO BE?