i took my time hot tub water up to my chin 102 degrees perfect. went $tree 2 cool whip for first presbyterian 11:30 lunch. walter waved me over to his table lovely buffet food supportive company. mash gravy turkey salad mac cheese sweet corn rolls butter
i'm actually glad to feel alive. aspergers autism is all about feeling. we can't verbalize the connections that haven't developed language. like trying to describe the colors in a rainbow to a blind person. 70 years to connect.
are all about being ready for the winter. i was remembering mom canning tomatoes, cherries etc. for the winter. food wasn't as cheap until mass production.
now that i have friends my soul feel safe enough to relax and release all the horror. i'm processing so much pain, loss, soul destroying pain.
finally all connections are complete and i can feel 100 %.
i'm normal! yesterday i talked to the dad of autistic child. i explained how the connections are just different. he doesn't know about barry kaufman 'sonrise' or temple grandin and worries about his son. i talked to him about evolution. his son is in special ed. i pray it works. prayer is focused electrical energy since thoughts are electricity. some prayers are more effective as constant focused attention like a laser.
fr. 11/18 if you understand that a laser 'light amplified stimulted emitting radiation' is coherent electrons all traveling in one direction. scattered electrons are just light.
the variation in connectivity allows for focus in new configurations. sorting out the emotional connections last creates the most logical sequence for survival. our feelings are secondary to curiosity. we have to find how things work cause and effect. doesn't apply to people. therefor confusing. we don't do well with confusion.
it's about survival of the species not the individual. evolution is cruel.
to be in the world and not of it. i'm feeling tired full of toxins and yet content. it's been 6 months non nicotine and new behaviors. the toxins are leaching from my tissues and i'm missing the nicotine. autism a*d*d makes it hard to stay addicted. i keep forgetting. comes and goes like the tide.
an hour to lunch. the lucky's friday freebie 'perfect bar' is honey 24% and almond butter.
i can read and love learning new facts. the stomach brain is so much smarter and more dependable than the head brain. the stomach is more reliable probably because it's older than the head brain. the head brain can rationalize and be wrong.
lying is powerful.
Trump uses lies and emotions to short circuit both brains. CONTROL.
pg. 152 fear conditioning in mice 2 generation genetic impact. the feelings you feel may not be your own. could be genetic program. genes are loaded gun behaviors and life choices are the trigger.
COPS-California Occupational Personality Survey didn't take into account autism obsession suggested researcher. i do love learning.
