body quakes

injury shock waves emanate from an impact point outward traveling to every part of the body so damage can be felt anywhere.  the energy from impact radiates to dissipate which means healing starts from the farthest extremities moving in toward the impact point.  which is why it's taking so long to heal cell by cell.

i'm uniquely able to chronicle this healing experience.

last night chimerism on jeopardy

this universe is so amazingly diverse.  he said 1 out of 8 but i don't think so.  

my arthritis and allergies are probably a genetic predisposition linked to autism.  muscle stiffness.  i'm growing into my brain.  

my clumsiness is definitely autism.  my right neck is tight almost to the point of a headache and my skull being sore qualifies as a headache.

i wonder

about everything.  i caught another thief stealing avocados in my yard.  for 20 years people have used my yard like the squirrels and raccoons.  they make excuses for themselves not doing anything in return.  they could have offered to help with the yard work.  they act like animals.  i don't expect animals to know better or do better but all those people acting like animals continues to shock me.  

i think it's another function of autism.  everything constantly fresh and new.

i finally finished the letter to auntie and included a pocket magnifier for her failing eyesight.  i hope she's taking eye vitamins.  i'm taking supplements and chocolate quick milk.    

we have raw emotions

that don't present in an obvious fashion.  mostly internally.  watch our eyes.  but then no one thinks to ask and usually without a reference point we can't describe what and how we feel.  today i feel like butterflies.  part of me in a cocoon and part of me fluttering.  so many of my idiosyncrasies are autism related.  i relate to the world as a part of the whole.  less ego.  the masses relate to strong egos.  Hitler and trump.  the pack leader mentality.  that's why a beaten Germany followed Hitler.  weak fear based egos looking for reassuring strength.  Adolph made them feel safe by telling them what they wanted to hear.  same as Donald.  it has nothing to do with the message.  it's the delivery.  Jim Jones town massacre.  Waco, Texas.  over and over.

our brain connections develop in a different time schedule.  i think that's why left to our own devices with minimum interference coercion we eventually sync up with civilization.  at least that's what i've noticed studying different cases and reading autobiographies.  Asperger's autism is evolutionary mutation searching for the next form of human kind.  being able to freshly see without prejudice.  

we're energy sensitive.  prey animals have heightened receptors or get eaten.  we survive by trying to stay invisible.  probably why human prey have poor social skills and personal hygiene issues to avoid contact with predators.  to discourage interacting.  to appear less attractive.  to fade into the woodwork.  i think most homeless people and pioneers fit into the bill.  there used to be new worlds, places to go to carve out a niche for misfits.  the innovators, explorers.

that explains the space race.  i couldn't understand spending billions not on hunger, disease, suffering.  seemed misplaced.  that fear of killing the earth and having no where to go.  and the majority are intent on destroying the planet.  at least 60%.

homeless encampments are other thinking people.  'the nomad life.  i no mad at you.  you no mad at me.'  swami beyond ananda.  they're not into acquiring and owning.  they know life is temporary.  they know the planet is on loan.  the american indians know the earth belongs to the children and adults are stewards.  

autisitic

i sometimes wonder what it's like to be common.  that passes pretty quickly.  most people claim to be happy.  i don't understand why.  

i'm figuring it out-as

hearing is crucial as a prey animal also why my face is so ticklish and sensitive.  so autistic's hyper sensitive.  probably my sense of smell too.  and burning eyes.  

so some of my characteristics are normal for autism.  i'm feeling tired.  i soaked in hot tub, stretched, cooled down pool.  if i had access to daily hot cold my back would be better faster.  

watching celebrity wheel of fortune:  to the moon with reese witherspoon, ryan reynolds wrap.  i do love puzzles.  

happiness is letting go

the appearance has nothing to do with happiness.  happiness is a feeling.  a result or consciously generated.  i have a choice of how and what i feel.

that's what addiction is all about.  controlling feeling from an external source.  because it's external it doesn't work long term.  the body circumvents the false by adapting.