another day

i did ok now i'm in the trough from the crest.  i'm waiting for holds to become available.  and my back to stabilize.  my neck stopped hurting.  'secret of moon acre available.'

i keep expecting to feel great everyday and i'm told that's unrealistic.  maybe.  we'll see.  i should be able to shift the sine wave to climb at a 45 degree angle.  

auntie commented on my positivity.  i work every day very hard at it.  being my own cheerleader.  i had to if i wanted to survive my family of wolves.  making me the scapegoat made me human.  self esteem generates nurturing chemicals.  hypnosis is the conscious choosing of thoughts.  a shortcut to rewiring and self control.  i'm so glad i knew josie hadley.

i finally decided how to cut the bandana fabric.  i can make 2 oversize 1 shawl red scarves, 1 black oversize 1 shawl.  i may edge them in white.    

i'm feeling pretty good

if i can keep from re injuring myself i'm golden.  i'm glad to finally be connected to myself.  the excruciating back injury forced me to learn way more than i preferred about staying in body.  

just occurred to me diabetes is strictly a modern disease.  we limit ourselves to eating 3 big meals a day when our bodies evolved with grazing all day.  we don't eat when we're hungry, we eat by a clock.

like gout=arthritis from eating rich foods that used to be difficult to acquire.  i know refined sugar hurts my back but the wiring in my body finds sugar so comforting during stress.and everything in the modern world is stress controlled.  the best way to rule people is to make them fearful and offer a solution.

now i'm wondering if that's why the british monarchy were threatened by diana.  she may have been sacrificed because she came from love not fear.  and meghan if not for harry would have gone the same way.  

my aspergers

standing me in good stead.  the street sweeper came 8:45 am across street.  i went out to move car with  windows covered in dew i used water to wash down.  4 bottles i brought in swapped for 4 full.  it's good to be farsighted foresight even by simple o c behavior not a disorder.  

frequently i do things not being conscious why until it saves me.  tygj.

so frustrating.  i got 3 e mails usps acknowledging my claim, investigating my claim, saying it's resolved when i still haven't received my irs letter.  i am not resolved.

email preview sat mar 6, 7:48 am, us dept treasury, bureau fiscal service, philadelphia, pennsylvania, p o box 51320, 19115-6320.  through the envelope window in the picture check from kansas city, mo.

another experiment-nuclear reactors

i find i can 'search and win' blogger and store it in chrome icon while front page search becomes a tab.  i wonder why the different format for searches?  i think aspergers drives me to curiosity.  i am driven to questions and answers.  an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.  new information.  

i love trying new food things.  i'm eating quinoa.  and the amaranth i've had in the fridge 6 years.  not new habits.  the old tried and true is comfortable.  new phones are hard.  learning new technology is horrible.  i feel like the world is ending.  

i put in lost mail request.  i paid bills.  ugh.  

i watched 'true detective' last night this morning.  thinking about evil.  thinking backwards.  evil-live.  people avoid personal responsibility by focusing on external talismans like god-dog and the devil-lived.  

our bodies are nuclear reactors fission and fusion all day long.  we are part of the energy of the universe.  the microcosm of the macrocosm.  people want to blame the devil for their darkness.  we all have dark parts.  it comes with being born.  that's what prejudice is all about.  projecting that inner darkness onto others. 

i almost was hit by entitled blond 30 something white woman backing out of parking space behind library.  then after we park in front she looks at me like it was my fault and proceeds to drop off her books for them to deposit without mask.  and they agree to grovel.  i can't even get out of my car without mask or be lectured scolded.  such a broken world.  

i almost lost the best bit when i tried to space enter and it disappeared.  i started trying upper icons and got it back.  whew!!

i feel totally connected

my social security took a month to straighten out.  totally my fault assuming my account number for direct deposit.  

for the first time in my life i feel i'm living my life.  i've always felt separated even from myself.  out of body.  back pain made me very conscious.  

autism is a developmental hodge podge of connections.  all the parts are the same but the connections are made on a different timeline.  autism people will always remain young.

autism is a blessing.

i'm glad to be me.  autism is happiness in little mundane things.  i planted my sterling silver rose cutting in the avocado pot.  makes me happy.  leaves are covered in scale.  i can fix that.  a little hand soap.  and i can fix the shampoo bottle too.  today's a beautiful day.  a goldilocks day.  

la-la-la

i'm feeling good despite my neck and jaw screaming.   stretching my neck is better.  i feel it's hurting differently.  

i got up watched sunday morning and cooked asparagus omelette with rice and meatloaf.  took half hour.  i read 'what are you' waiting for cesar 911.  dressed went to dollar store finally remembering bottle top i wanted to replace.  @ senior park i stretched.  internet lasted 2 hours i drove around ended @ main.  played my sweeps remembered i wanted lucky's 2 for 1 frozen fish.  i debated which one and decided home.  got my fish and walked around big lots found brag amino $4.

home i preheated oven.  i foiled the pans and cooked the entire bag.  i ate some with rice and meatloaf.  i love breaded fish.  it's like it comes in its own wrapper.  i'll have the rest for breakfast and dinner lettuce wraps.

what a great day!