oops

i'm alphabetizing, organizing my blogs.

senior lunch 9th in line i get good online reception.  there's a father and 10-11 yr old autistic son walking around park.  i think i figured out why the affect.  it's prey behavior being ready for fight-flight.

obsessive/compulsive

HELPED ME TO FINISH PROJECTS BUT PLAYED INTO THE FAMILY SLAVE MENTALITY.  I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO SEE THINGS THROUGH.  SO MOM AND DAD RELIED ON ME TO TAKE CARE OF THEM WHEN THEY RAISED MY SISTERS TO GO OFF AND BE IRRESPONSIBLE SELFISH.  THE WORST KIND OF FISH.  MY SENSE OF HUMOR IS STILL STRONG.

I'M LEARNING TO ACCOMPLISH GOALS IN STAGES AND TO ENJOY THE PROCESS.  I'VE ALWAYS FOCUSED ON COMPLETION.  LEAVES ME EMPTY.  ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW GOALS.  I'M LEARNING TO ADMIRE MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS NON SMOKING.  MY LUNGS ARE CLEARING, COUGHING AND MY BLOODSTREAM IS FULL OF TOXINS LEAVING MY TISSUES.  I'M FEELING CRANKY, THIRSTY AND TIRED.

OH, JOY.

still-AND COVID

THEORY IS WE OUTGROW ASPERGERS BUT WE DON'T. WE LEARN HOW TO COPE.  LIKE MY A-D-D.  IT HELPS TO GAIN RESPITE FROM ANXIETY BUT THE ANXIETY IS PART OF THE PREY CONDITION.  I CAN FOCUS OUTSIDE MYSELF.  

ASPERGERS IS AN EVOLUTIONARY STEP IN DEVELOPMENT.  ASPERGERS PEOPLE SPECIALIZE IN NARROW SPECIFIC AREAS.  SO EACH OF US IS FASCINATED BY DIFFERENT THINGS.  NON COMPETITION.  OUR EXPERTISE IS SPECIFIC.  SOLVING SPECIFIC  PROBLEMS.

WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE I SUBSCRIBED TO PSYCHOLOGY TODAY AT A DRASTICALLY REDUCED RATE TO ENCOURAGE LATER FULL SUBSCRIPTION.  ONE OF THE ARTICLES ADDRESSED OVERPOPULATION PREDICTING RISES IN HOMOSEXUALITY AND VIOLENT CRIMES AS A MEANS OF LIMITING POPULATION.  WHICH WE HAVE.  AND COVID IS PESTILENCE.

PSYCHOLOGICALLY WE'RE PRODUCING AUTISTIC PEOPLE PREY PEOPLE.  WE ARE NON PREDATORS.  PREDATORS ARE GREEDY KILLERS.  PREY PEOPLE ARE HERD PEOPLE.  WE JUST WANT TO LIVE PEACEFULLY TOGETHER.

SPORTS, CONTESTS, COMPETITION REQUIRES WINNERS AND LOSERS; PREDATORS AND PREY.   TO SURVIVE AS A SPECIES MANKIND MUST EVOLVE BEYOND COMPETITION.  COMPETITION ASSUMES FINITE RESOURCES.  THE WHOLE KILL OR BE KILLED EAT OR BE EATEN.

WE NO LONGER LIVE IN THAT REALITY.  WE CAN DO BETTER BE BETTER.  COVID IS FORCING THE WORLD TO BE CONSCIOUS OR DIE.  

LOOKING BACK

I SOUND LIKE A ROBOT.  I REREAD MY FIRST POSTS.  WOW.

I AM MUCH MORE INTEGRATED.

IS IT JUST ME?

I GET THE SAME SENSATION IN MY SKULL AS WHEN I DRANK SODA.  FEELING THOUSANDS OF BUBBLES. 

MY BODY IS PROCESSING HUNDREDS OF INJURIES.  THE PHYSICAL ONES ARE OBVIOUS THE EMOTIONAL INJURIES ARE CHEMICAL IMPRINTS. 

LIFE IS CHEMISTRY.

I NOTICE

ASPERGER'S IS DETAILS.  I SEE PATTERNS.  I THINK IT CAN BE TAUGHT.

THE ANSWER TO SUCCESS IN LIFE IS BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

I'M USING AFFIRMATIONS AND IT'S WORKING.  I'M TAKING MY TIME, GOING SLOWER AND AVOIDING MISTAKES.

BEAUTY

I'VE NOT SEEN THE LACK OF RESPECT.  I'VE ONLY SEEN THE BEST IN FREDRICK GOULD AND MARGEE WHEELER. 

I'VE LIVED THE IMPERSONAL LIFE.  MY AUTISM REMOVED THE INEQUITY.  BOTH OF THEM OMITTED ME FROM THEIR WEDDINGS.  USED ME TO REALIZE THEIR DREAMS.  HER TRUE LOVE, MARRIAGE AND CAREER, HIS HEALING CIRCLE AND MARRIAGE. 

I LIKE ATTENDING WEDDINGS.