Managing symptoms-Susandate 6*28*2013

Feeling anxious after a remarkable week.  Started out cooler than usual with 70 degree days. 
Sunday cool so topped up bin Tomas was filling.  Chopped up stems and leaves kaki.  Suffered horribly shoulders and upper-middle back.  Exercised Mon.  Rested Tues. puzzle, and was feeling sick and tired went home early.  Napped.  Woke 5pm and readied for 6:30 SC  library for chocolate tasting and lecture on book writing. Janet Yamada, a volunteer at Sr Ctr lunch greeted me.  She's always nice to everyone.  She had dropped her raffle ticket on the floor.  I pointed it out and she said she never wins.  I won first canvas bag of books.   She won two bars of chocolate.  She gave me one and her friend Jillian.  She's always so giving.

I helped her hand out salads and sandwiches one day they were shorthanded by pushing the second trolley and the next day she had made a pkg of Godiva truffles for ME.

Exercised Wed.

CREATING A NEW DRUG-BEING THE NEW DRUG

Self-medicating all my life.         Nicotine from dad, and anger from mom.                                             

Since all of us are chemical factories creating and ingesting chemicals to function, finding a way to synthesize a new internal drug is possible by manipulating emotions.                          

EMOTIONS are choices we make.  By choosing different emotions we can control our bodies.                                          

Drug addicts are attempting in an intuitive way to control their emotional bodies and the world around them.  Overeaters use food.  Whenever anyone has a crisis, get them a glass of H2O to change their internal chemistry.                                 


We have a NEW FRONTIER to explore and experiment like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.                          

ADHD-scanning the environment,survival reflex**The search for My Passion**-Shawn Achor, Happiness Advantage

Attention deficit is a basic survival skill.  Prey animals constantly scan their surroundings for predators.  Terrorists.  In human beans ( on porpoise ), the lack of stimuli (perceived threat) sets up a resonance that causes a level of discomfort in nonaspergers individuals that seek chemical balance, resolution.

In other words, homo sapiens are so used to being in a state of stress and anxiety genetically and historically, behaviorally even, that if circumstances aren't stressful enough, we will create our own disaster.  Horror and disaster movies supply the adrenaline and cortisol fix since the brain/body reacts to what it witnesses. 

When I worked at Goodwill, one client who'd been repeatedly beaten and abused as a child, as an adult would throw himself down a flight of stairs or pick a fight he couldn't win if his life became too peaceful and calm.  The lack of discomfort (vacuum)was so painful to Robert that he needed to create physical pain to offset the lack of discomfort (fill the void with feeling), to feel alive.  Like cutting.

Abusers generally have been abused or even worse, witnessed severe abuse.  Children witnessing violence are powerless to stop the abuse and perhaps become abusers as self protection.

Aspergers feelings are not wired in a traditional way.  The genetic mutation allows aspies to decide how to respond if they've been raised with compassion.  In my case, I learned to shut down all feeling to survive in my family.  So I was labeled stupid, unfeeling, cold, crazy, etc.

Happiness Solution.  I just spent 1/2 hr looking for the PBS guy with the research.  Couldn't find it.  But I shall.....Scott A.....?  5/3/13 9:50AM-took me less than a day-23 hrs to remember Shawn Achor, Happiness Advantage.

So New Behaviors need to be installed to old feelings.  I'm sure terrorists feel their lives threatened by change.  They lash out with no understanding of how their emotions/feelings are running their lives.

"Find your passion and the money will follow" is so basic.  A passion cannot be a job.  Passion is Life.  A Passion is a calling.  I don't know again; if that's why passionflower is so important to my chemical balance.

6*13*13  Passion-The Elements, Sir Dr Ken Robinson,  What was the cartoon about the Robinsons?

YES!!! The solution to Terrorism-Humane Humans

Reading Temple Grandin started me thinking about predator vs prey.  Aspies are subject to teasing-a 'mild' form of terrorism.  Children are usually uncivilized and must be taught to care for those weaker than themselves, to become unselfish, to respect others.

Oscar Hammerstein's lyrics from South Pacific's, We've Got to Be Taught.

Muslim, Jewish, Christians all learn the old testament.  The same message in different languages.  The same lessons.

Terrorists are raised to be junkyard dogs.  They traverse the world expecting to rule the junkyard like they were taught at home.  Old world, old testament;  thinking and behavior. When they behave as they've been raised, they are punished and can't understand that result when their upbringing has been mindless.  They haven't been encouraged to choose for themselves.  They've been punished for trying to think for themselves and live their own lives.  No wonder life is so cheap for them. 

They don't know what living is.  They are human doings not human beings.

Aspies are Prey.  Born neutral we are subject to terror.  Timothy Leary's circumplex.  By not being predators we become prey by default. 

I like to believe we have a choice and choose not to become an animal,  predator or prey.  I like to believe we choose to become humane humans.

Human beings are not dogs.  We can learn anew.

Hanging in here

Sitting in Mtn Vw library.  Whew!!  Did not know I could drive this far and manage. 

Spent the a m wondering what I'd be doing.  I went home, watched xwords and rested.  Decided on library and at first I thought of Sv but then the idea of Mtn Vw seemed doable.  So here I am.

Had to get away from witch hunt at Srs. I thought Lam liked G but no.  She told A that G is stealing spoons.  Stealing spoons.  When people are bombing and terrorizing the entire city of Boston the srs in sc are in an uproar over utensils. 

Well, susan be warned. 

Survived another one

Another tough time.  Dad's and X's bday anniversaries. 
I feel I've lived eons in this lifetime.  Reading Temple Grandin's life I feel sad I never had the knowledge and understanding she had.  Her mother cared enough to find help.  To help her find her way. 

I'm still searching.  Maybe that's my life's work.  To find me. 

And yet, in other ways I've been blessed.  Like,,,,, ok I can't think of any.  I'm glad I'm me.  I wouldn't want to live her life.  Yucky. 

The cmptr  room volunteer is sobbing into his keyboard.  I'm good , I don't have to fix him.  Thank you ,God for healing me from having to fix everything around me. 

My family trained me to attend to their every need.  Punished when I didn't,  sometimes punished when I did.  So I was behaviorally conditioned to fix everything around me to just feel comfortable. 

Obsessive behavior can be retrained.  Temple recircuited her behaviors, retrained, motivated herself to accomplish her goals.

Now, I just need to find out what my goals are.

I know I can.  Completing the puzzle of my life feels bigger than the one here at the Sr. Ctr.  and all the same principles apply, it only feels bigger.

That's the faith-mustard seed parable.  It only feels different.

I found pieces without thinking, just doing.  I need  not worry what to say and what to do. 

Who knows?

Got frustrated trying to log onto internet.  Librarian was kind enough to show alternate way to using icons. 


Completely forgot I was going to try to pay ConCell online.  I'll be able to use cmptr srs 2moro .  But maybe I should try today.

Shoulds and oughts.  I release shoulding on myself.

Successfully did it!!