content or content

oh, I make myself laugh.  I'm remembering Anne Bancroft in a skit singing "you like tomatoes and I like tomatoes.  Let's call the whole thing off."   content-the underlying material or content-a sense of satisfaction.  to be content with the content.  i.e. I'm perfect the way I am.

diabetics torture themselves with food

food issues are the toughest.  we have to eat to live.  anorexia bulimia are control issues.  someone used food to torture them and they go on to torture themselves.  I know so many diabetics with food issues.  skipping meals, eating late, sneaking treats, weight concerns, doing everything backwards.

new book i'm studying adult survivors of toxic family members.  parents teach siblings to continue the abuse.  page 21 explains so much; familiar lies are comforting and impart a false sense of safety.  I'm putting the human puzzle together.  only took 73 years.  

spent the day healing

i wasn't hungry yet i know i must eat.  while i waited i ice picked 3 pieces of pollock to microwave crock pot with diced tomatoes a little almond milk.  milk tenderizes fish.  the acids.  cooked onions, carrots, potatoes separately.  can garbanzos and corn.  nutritious and delicious.  topped with tortilla chips heavenly.  

i'm learning.  i was so tired i forgot i could ride hopper.  i rested all day, thought to look online.  i could have gone seniors.  i watched 'just shoot me' 3rd season.  1999 i needed all the laughs i could get.  dad died after a torturous year.  i was exhausted then too.  this time i don't have to worry about mom killing herself. 

i woke to more torture-life is pain for aspies

i woke to phone message posted 3 am pick up for 3 pm dr appointment.  i called all phone numbers none open until 8 when i'm calling all over the world all time zones the adherence to 8 am i don't understand.  i'm a simple soul.  if they booked my ride for 3 am and called 3 am how are they closed at 7 am?  robot?  computer??  

now i have terrible crick in my neck, a tension headache right temple besides my right hip now hurting in addition to the bruises on my left knee, right chest from seat belt and i don't know how right arm.  i took kava, beet, passion, willow.  i'm feeling emotionally drained.  

i react differently

accident wednesday 2/14/24 easy to remember date.  i'm still all a twitter.  the adrenaline wore off i was depressed.  it triggered family ptsd nightmares.  i can understand thrill seekers.  i was never so high.  'strawberry mansion' about dream audit.

i don't know i've never been in an accident before.  not even as a passenger.  it was raining i was waiting for traffic to clear to turn left on las palmas from benton west.  traffic stopped due to red traffic signal i proceeded thru cleared intersection a white tesla grandmother 2 teen granddaughters hit right bumper 4-6 inches displacement to left.  i don't know who was driving my door was jammed, my left knee hit steering column, my chest bruised from seat belt.  they took my blood pressure with cuff checked oxygen with finger clip 149/58 i consider good after bruising not being able to exit 'til man pulled door open.  people walking with umbrellas in rain called 911.  

ordeal calling tow truck(carlos also), insurance, doctor, medicare transportation, carlos mechanic advised 3 k to fix and enumerated my options.  

today first day i felt like out of house i walked .3 miles to nob hill with my folding shopping cart.  i looked for hot spot in parking lot half hour.  decided to check out store and noticed sign posted recycle i asked limit of 50 cans or bottles $2.50 at a time.  and now wi-fi in store sunny had my hot spot ready.  i called bartolo my gardener wasn't doing anything took me 1 pm.  

gift/curse 11/23/23

i see the obvious.  everyone creates their own lives.  i was vilified and blamed by my family for their unhappiness.  and i chose familiars who treated me the same.  

and i didn't know how to change so i've been listening to subliminal recordings on you tube.  success.  jane thanked me in front of everyone for connecting her to the mexican chocolate from the market deli.  she did all the leg work.  my family demanded i fulfill all their desires without thanks, respect or even simple acknowledgment.  i was their invisible slave/genie of the lamp.  and they abused me to keep me enslaved.  i grew up expecting abuse and chose people to lie and abuse me.  

i don't have to know how.  i'm grateful subliminal re programming works.  

i'm better

life is clearer.  not just because i use the descriptive soundtrack.  it's been tough.  i have to keep reminding myself i still have a job to do.  as i raise my energy vibrations i raise the planet and the universe.