i'm becoming happier

takes a lot of disciplined focused energy.  the most effective is teaching myself new thinking.  letting go of the past.  listening to subliminal healing music.

oh i make myself laugh

i went to cup library last day to pick up requested "dreamer".  i stuck face cloth in swim suit bra to cool down and forgot it until i wanted to wash my face.  here for hours.  

autism gives perspective

we are the perfect scientists with an unique perspective.  the body feelings are integrated into the human experience.  like a guru i can experience the pain i endure without flinching.  as if i have a veil i can draw across distancing the sharpness the pain is still intense.  

1966 open heart surgery to correct a genetic defect the tube in my lungs to drain fluids didn't hurt except when the nurse ripped it from my body without anesthetic.  now my ribs are sore.  when i focus on the pain the body remembers.  muscle memory that drives the car and brushes our teeth is hard wired.  1972 fall muscle spasms left side hip leg take my breath away and feeling nauseous.

we're all energy

i decided to show Gerde online DMV practice tests.  she did 4 i could see she was getting shaky.  2 pm i suggested tomorrow upstairs computer bigger screen and mouse might be easier for her to manage.  we'll see.  Cody can maybe get her her own library card Thursday.  Art got his.  i love setting people on independent path.  i taught mom computer on library catalog in 10 minutes.  then alien used her to do business bookkeeping.  besides cooking and yard work.  no wonder slavery a family tradition besides alcohol and suicide.  

spending time with Gerde Miss Negativity i reverted to family energy locked my keys and phone in car at college Safeway.  so i had extra time to wander store.  veg jerky, clearance parchment, gum, free soda last day.  Marisa customer service called 'triple a' for me and Danny unlocked my car quickly efficiently.  home 3:15 i want more veg jerky for protein and fiber.  

so many emotions are a waste of energy.  Inge was getting jealous.  Gerde kept thanking me unlike my family.  probably why they never benefited from the changes i made in their lives.  gratitude amplifies the good.  Gerde is a stubborn survivor like me.  she acts like she's the only one getting older and weaker makes me laugh.  she thinks she's special the only one like dad.  i love her like dad.  all of us will age.  every one.  better get over yourself. 

normal average never innovate

all advances are from singular authentic loners, those who think outside the box.  

i'm feeling a little disappointed.  new 24 hour fitness wasn't ready for business.  not surprised as i could see the level of construction progress or lack there of.   2 free shirts, 2 small snacks 4 oz water.  

i suppose i could go to Sunnyvale gym.  3 miles as opposed to 1.  i want to pick up requests from Cupertino library and return loans to Sunny and visit book sale so already full schedule. 

i drove 14 miles and walked 8 stores looking for what i want.  home 3:30 exhausted.   

war 2 days ukraine invaded-i'm so glad i'm autistic

putin needs mother love.  a normal person doesn't risk the entire existence of all mankind.  my mother was messed up doesn't mean i want to destroy the entire planet.  he's taken chernobyl a nuclear disaster and what he does with it remains to be seen.  he has no respect for the planet or anyone on it.  i pray he wakes up.

i see things differently.  i live my energy.  i see families with small kids and feel so badly for them.  last night on wheel a contestant had her son and daughter in the military.  i pray for all of us.

it's all about energy-WAR POLLUTION

we're all connected like ley lines in a magnetic field.  one big magnetic field.  i watch people talking and some people like a succubus engage to drain energy from passive people feeding off them like cattle.  literally draining them of energy.  emotional vampires.  run fast run far.

Putin, Trump, Boris Johnson are about manipulating feelings to get the attention they want and don't deserve.  attention is directed electrical thought energy they crave.  they appeal to fear and anger the basest easiest feelings to generate.  they say anything without caring who they hurt.  they add no value.  they lie. 

autism is all about feelings.  everyone says they want to be happy without any understanding what that is.  what makes us happy evolves with us.  or we'd still be living in caves and trees.

Putin threatening war is the maximum polluter.  adds nothing to life only death and destruction so much easier lazier than constructive creative activity.