i'm growing into my brain

we have the same brain potential specializing at different rates.  the ability to hyper focus allows us to learn in depth.  our obsessive capacity is limitless.  we are destined to be experts at whatever our obsessions are.  

different brain development

traditional development is shuffled around.   aspergers feel the same but expressing and assimilating is on a different timeline from common people.  the conscious connection is lagging behind.  babies get frustrated when they know what they want and haven't the vocabulary to express the desire.  children and adults too but more quietly and sometimes hiding the desire.   

aspergers being literal can't lie.  are physically incapable.  when i was 8 i tried to lie and my stomach got upset.  the discomfort wasn't worth it.  my sisters lied all the time.  probably the biggest difference between aspies and common.  lies change physiology chemically.  lies are an insult to the body.

the ultimate lie detector.  my family of liars threatened my very existence.  my physical well being was constantly being compromised.  covid isolation has allowed me to thrive.  there are very few truth tellers.

alcoholics = vampires and werewolves

watching 1944 'return of the vampire' it occurs to me the compulsive destructive behaviors are the same.  there was no psychology to explain the shift between sober and drunken behaviors.  people called vampires and werewolves monsters because members of their own families, rich powerful people couldn't be openly confronted without risking destruction.  

real life 'vampires' kill the dreams and hearts.  they drain energy from people like life's blood.  they bore, dominate and bully.  social convention is their weapon.  being polite is their shield. 

another quirk

being clumsy.  my circuits are set up differently.  and compulsive about getting what i want.  those bras from big lots.  the same size style number doesn't fit.  the fabric stretches differently.  i went this morning i returned and wanted to buy more.  i bought sage and rose gaiters.  keep my neck warm and pull over face like mask.

i love the quiet.

i got bill from medicare and i'm upset.  soc sec starts january.  should i pay it or will it be double payment.  i don't know.  i tried calling but already closed.  tomorrow's another day.  i need life to be simpler easier.

miracle run

 just watched it for first time.  2005 film.  then i thought to check libraries.  a lot on autism aspergers.

never occurred to me before.

pencil shavings

lisa simpson saves them like me.  aspies brains develop at different rates.  areas develop differently.  part of the totality of the universe.  if aspies aren't allowed to develop part of the universe is missing.  

10-11? year old who walks park with parents can feel when i bless him and covers his ears.  

caravan of camels-my love of trivia-venery

alligators, congregation of

apes, monkeys-shrewdness=wicked of, 15th cent.

bats, colony,cauldron of

camels, caravan of

crows, murder of-because carrion eaters around dead bodies

dolphins, pod of

doves, pity of

ducks, paddling of

flycatchers, zipper of

geese, gaggle of

giraffes, tower of

gorillas, band of 

hippos, bloat of

hummingbirds, charm of

magpies, tidings of 

meerkats, mob of 

owls, parliament of

parrots, pandemonium of

penguins, raft of 

prairie dogs, town of

pugs, grumble of

ravens, richness of 

sea otters, romp of

turkeys, rafter of

vultures, kettle, committee, wake of