another quirk

being clumsy.  my circuits are set up differently.  and compulsive about getting what i want.  those bras from big lots.  the same size style number doesn't fit.  the fabric stretches differently.  i went this morning i returned and wanted to buy more.  i bought sage and rose gaiters.  keep my neck warm and pull over face like mask.

i love the quiet.

i got bill from medicare and i'm upset.  soc sec starts january.  should i pay it or will it be double payment.  i don't know.  i tried calling but already closed.  tomorrow's another day.  i need life to be simpler easier.

miracle run

 just watched it for first time.  2005 film.  then i thought to check libraries.  a lot on autism aspergers.

never occurred to me before.

pencil shavings

lisa simpson saves them like me.  aspies brains develop at different rates.  areas develop differently.  part of the totality of the universe.  if aspies aren't allowed to develop part of the universe is missing.  

10-11? year old who walks park with parents can feel when i bless him and covers his ears.  

caravan of camels-my love of trivia-venery

alligators, congregation of

apes, monkeys-shrewdness=wicked of, 15th cent.

bats, colony,cauldron of

camels, caravan of

crows, murder of-because carrion eaters around dead bodies

dolphins, pod of

doves, pity of

ducks, paddling of

flycatchers, zipper of

geese, gaggle of

giraffes, tower of

gorillas, band of 

hippos, bloat of

hummingbirds, charm of

magpies, tidings of 

meerkats, mob of 

owls, parliament of

parrots, pandemonium of

penguins, raft of 

prairie dogs, town of

pugs, grumble of

ravens, richness of 

sea otters, romp of

turkeys, rafter of

vultures, kettle, committee, wake of

love me

all anyone wants is love.  depending on how they were loved as a child love is all anyone wants and needs.  if they were abused they feel abuse as 'love'.   not supporting or sustaining but maintaining.  that's why perpetrators, drug addicts escalate.  always needing a bigger fix.  not enlivening but maintaining.

love is nurturing providing sustenance.   giving love is more important than receiving love.  giving love is life affirming.  feelings are generated energy, burning calories.  

i'm just tired of being ambushed.

oops

i'm alphabetizing, organizing my blogs.

senior lunch 9th in line i get good online reception.  there's a father and 10-11 yr old autistic son walking around park.  i think i figured out why the affect.  it's prey behavior being ready for fight-flight.

obsessive/compulsive

HELPED ME TO FINISH PROJECTS BUT PLAYED INTO THE FAMILY SLAVE MENTALITY.  I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO SEE THINGS THROUGH.  SO MOM AND DAD RELIED ON ME TO TAKE CARE OF THEM WHEN THEY RAISED MY SISTERS TO GO OFF AND BE IRRESPONSIBLE SELFISH.  THE WORST KIND OF FISH.  MY SENSE OF HUMOR IS STILL STRONG.

I'M LEARNING TO ACCOMPLISH GOALS IN STAGES AND TO ENJOY THE PROCESS.  I'VE ALWAYS FOCUSED ON COMPLETION.  LEAVES ME EMPTY.  ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW GOALS.  I'M LEARNING TO ADMIRE MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS NON SMOKING.  MY LUNGS ARE CLEARING, COUGHING AND MY BLOODSTREAM IS FULL OF TOXINS LEAVING MY TISSUES.  I'M FEELING CRANKY, THIRSTY AND TIRED.

OH, JOY.