And so the deTox goes on

I'm slooowly becoming more conscious as I face down my demons.  It's been over a month now on organic and I'm starting to feel more energized/evergized. 


My defeated attitude is slowly changing.  Monday went to get 2 pack deal and they only had one organic so I substituted menthol.  Then I realized I can exchange it later.  So I went back today, Thurs. and they still haven't restocked.  Hmmmm.......


I'm adjusting my life to feel perfect.  Call from county library, no one there.  Life at the Sr. Ctr. is smoothing out nicely.   


Do I want a job at the new Sprouts or Target??  Do I want a job?  I need a direction, a target to shoot for.


I have coupons for Milpitas vitamin world.  I can go and exchange the dress at savers or go next Sunday.   Divine Guidance.

Compassion-Empathy

I think aspies feel more directly not having the envy, competition, jealousy gene. 


We want everyone to be happy and content.  Content or content. 

Autists process info consciously

I know I don't take in or process info the same as a non-autist. 

They don't notice things.  Part of my attention deficit being attention overload. 

I notice bugs flying around.  When I drive, I plan my route like a chess move.  Just comes naturally.  I use intuition to read the energy around me. 

I only get in trouble when I'm overly tired or ignore the info.  When I revert to family behavior patterns.  Sometimes from depression. 

TILT----Blogging is my job for now-Sunday AM 5*4*Star Wars Day*May the fourth be with You

AUTISTS  have too much input.  Babies gradually make communication connections chemically and physically and that's why autism engages at a toddler stage.  Biologically the connections are made and the understanding comes later. 


5*4*14-Sunday Morning on channel 5 ran a segment on autism.  The kid on the program shut down for five years watching Disney cartoons, the simplified life lessons that are too confusing in real life.  His parents let him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


When I experience too much stimuli I shut down.  !!!TILT!!!  Just like autists.  The shut down protects the integrity of the operating system.  An automatic failsafe.  To keep from going crazy.  My parents tortured me.  I'm a miracle.   


Addicts use outside substances to run interference.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I WANT A RAISE.  A HUGE RAISE.  I DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






 

Feeling frantic-or frenetic

My inner child is fighting to get out.  I'm tired and frenzied at the same time.  Maybe I'm tired from having to control myself   all  the time, a valuable survival skill.  Not as useful today.  Just tiring.  I need help and I'm learning to ask for help. 

Surprise, surprise, Tomas has the same problem.  He has too many people to ask and they have no discernible boundaries.

Finding respectful people to help seems to be a problem on the planet.  Trust.  Trustworthy.

Went to Srs. to print out Faith Ptg. proposal and Sydney had to help.  I nu-stepped and showered.

Went to St. Justin's and the library and home and rest.

Called Tomas to see how the cleaning went and he said he'd "just puked out his guts" so I went into rescuer mode and stopped at Golden Crown for hot-sour soup.  Of course, I do need him healthy if he's to tear down the trellis.  So my behavior may be self-serving.  Hmmm...

Oh, Aspergers

New things are so uncomfortable.   Eric's in O'Connors Hospital,   Tomas  has the  serious flu,  and my new roof.   

I wrote the wrong amount to Wood's Roofing, Joe Cunniff.  Luckily he was at the bank and able to retrieve the check so I could write a new one before it bounced.  

The first time in my life I wrote a check wrong.  He was so nice about it.  

Dad always took care of carpenter things, so I have no skills.  I'm learning.  Thank you dad for all the years you did it.                   

 

The anxiety never goes away- I learn to manage it.

If I knew what I was doing the world would be mine, maybe.  

I take pflower for awhile, feel better and then forget to take it.  Then when the anxiety becomes unmanageable I remember.