Hanging in here

Sitting in Mtn Vw library.  Whew!!  Did not know I could drive this far and manage. 

Spent the a m wondering what I'd be doing.  I went home, watched xwords and rested.  Decided on library and at first I thought of Sv but then the idea of Mtn Vw seemed doable.  So here I am.

Had to get away from witch hunt at Srs. I thought Lam liked G but no.  She told A that G is stealing spoons.  Stealing spoons.  When people are bombing and terrorizing the entire city of Boston the srs in sc are in an uproar over utensils. 

Well, susan be warned. 

Survived another one

Another tough time.  Dad's and X's bday anniversaries. 
I feel I've lived eons in this lifetime.  Reading Temple Grandin's life I feel sad I never had the knowledge and understanding she had.  Her mother cared enough to find help.  To help her find her way. 

I'm still searching.  Maybe that's my life's work.  To find me. 

And yet, in other ways I've been blessed.  Like,,,,, ok I can't think of any.  I'm glad I'm me.  I wouldn't want to live her life.  Yucky. 

The cmptr  room volunteer is sobbing into his keyboard.  I'm good , I don't have to fix him.  Thank you ,God for healing me from having to fix everything around me. 

My family trained me to attend to their every need.  Punished when I didn't,  sometimes punished when I did.  So I was behaviorally conditioned to fix everything around me to just feel comfortable. 

Obsessive behavior can be retrained.  Temple recircuited her behaviors, retrained, motivated herself to accomplish her goals.

Now, I just need to find out what my goals are.

I know I can.  Completing the puzzle of my life feels bigger than the one here at the Sr. Ctr.  and all the same principles apply, it only feels bigger.

That's the faith-mustard seed parable.  It only feels different.

I found pieces without thinking, just doing.  I need  not worry what to say and what to do. 

Who knows?

Got frustrated trying to log onto internet.  Librarian was kind enough to show alternate way to using icons. 


Completely forgot I was going to try to pay ConCell online.  I'll be able to use cmptr srs 2moro .  But maybe I should try today.

Shoulds and oughts.  I release shoulding on myself.

Successfully did it!!

More and More

Okay, Finally figured out how to get to cal lifeline application.  The browser was incompatible w/ the program so I had to go to a different doorway to get to where I wanted to go.

Wow, I Just figured out how to change the color of this page.  AAAaawsomme!!!

I have no idea how I managed to underline that.

Worked in the yard an hour saturday, (now the space bar and comma are underlining like it's haunted) So sunday (it's spellcheck)  I went to church UU and  planned on more ydwk until I broke a h2o bottle in the kitchen and found sis's stole my mop. And I lost a lock washer from the sickle.  Tried to find it using magnet and nowhere to be found.  Disappeared.  Evaporated. 

Fixed my bed.  watched tv  rested.  Watched Oscars.  My tummy is borderline so I'm carefully doing.    

I'm disappointed.  The squiggly lines don't transfer to the final page.  And the background reverted to white so I fixed it.

Best super bowl ever

Went to Salvation Army church at 11am yesterday.  Decided to drop off donation at Parkmoor Savers and looked around.  Jesse gave me both a donation card and 20% off coupon.  So I looked around and realized I could have  continued on Almaden to the bigger one.  Since I'm free  I went to Almaden and drove thru Willow Glen.



Big change in me.  Used the coupon there where it did the most good.  And found half off there unlike Parkmoor.
I can create my version of perfection.

TWO YEARS!!! 11*16**12

I'm amazed I've been coming here (Sr Ctr) for two years.  My back is sooo much better.  My digestion is better.  I'm sometimes happy.  I'm reconnected to my body.  I mistakenly thought I was an airhead.  I was just on abuse overload.  To protect my sanity I learned to disconnect from the abuse.  So I spent most of my life in a cocoon and while my "family" existed I couldn't come out and survive.

For the first time in my life I have people who care about ME.  Not how they can use me.  Not treating me like a servant.  How much and what they can get out of me.


Took me 60 years and this back injury to see the fact that when some people give you things it's because they already have a plan of what they want to take from you.  Not get, take.



My senior friends appreciate me.  Doing what they can for me because they like me and themselves.  No strings.  They know the universe functions perfectly.


Do remember, not everyone here is my friend.

Happiest university

 I hope for a place humankind can learn new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.                    

 Creating a new world from within.                  

Not easy or comfortable but so worth working and playing towards.               

Lost the original date I thought of it.   

I guess I'll continue learnin how to manuever this and then they'll change it.